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At the precipice of not-English, because modern ads are confusing.

For years I’ve been growing more confused as I watch television because modern ads are confusing.

Maybe that’s good; the way things are headed, today’s television programming probably shouldn’t make sense.

For starters, I don’t recognize the “famous” people in the ads.

“Drink this or wear this. Eat this sandwich based on my stiffly awkward acting ability in this commercial.”

“Who is that?” I might ask my friend, sitting in a matching lazy boy across the room.

“I don’t know.”

“A singer? Someone who plays sportsball?”

“I don’t know.”

I don’t get the references or why it’s funny or relevant or even what they’re selling. Yes, that’s right. I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE PRODUCTS THEY’RE SELLING. Some ads use such weird camera action that it should come with a seizure warning. And as of late, I full-on don’t understand not only the ad, but the words being used in it.

There have always been mind-boggling ads.

Perfume ads, for example, have always been the most confusing as they grapple with trying to sell a smell. Unlike other products, such as food or cleaning products or cars, they fall in the unfortunate camp where toilet paper resides, a category of marketing where you can’t really show the product in use without weirding out your audience.

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