For several years, I have been concerned about the emotional effect that Dove Chocolates are having on our nation’s psyche. The barely-subliminal nature of each candy has not escaped my attention, with each chocolate piece wrapped in a foil that contains a message.
Dove Chocolates are a kind of enabling fortune cookie for the Western chocolate lover, and so I decided to pursue an investigative report on the messages contained within the milk and dark chocolate candy bags. I operated on the following theory regarding the difference between milk and dark chocolate, and overall message content:
Milk Chocolate would encourage a lack of self-control, while dark chocolate would encourage a more controlled “no pain, no gain” life of purpose.
I have long been disturbed by the quality of counseling Dove includes in every bag.
By extracting an interpretation of the messages using a random sample of three foil wrappers, I will illustrate the devastating effect these Dove Chocolate wrapper messages can have if misconstrued and received without proper context or oversight. Each illustration in this blog post is accompanied by an actual Dove Chocolate message in quotes below it.
You will not believe the results.
With this highly scientific study I made the following assumptions: Milk chocolate is the “easier” chocolate. It doesn’t require the acquired taste of its bitter, more pure cousin, dark chocolate. A person who delights in an 85% dark chocolate bar has masochistic tendencies, not willing that the bitter, fruity flavor of chocolate be cushioned by creamy milk.
My testing methods: I purchased a bag of dark and milk chocolate Dove Chocolates. I counted the total number of chocolates in each bag and then proceeded to consume all the candies in the bags over a period of several weeks. All the wrappers were saved, and I never wanted to eat Dove Chocolate again. I then plugged this information into a spreadsheet.
Let’s get to the numbers, shall we?
I categorized the messages into seven types:
Love Substitute
Selfishness
Temptation
Sacrifice Your Future
Guilt Alleviation
Breathing
Good Advice
I then calculated what percentage of messages were found in each bag based on the total number of candies in each bag. The dark chocolate had 35 pieces, while the milk chocolate had 34.
Dove Chocolates: The Dark Chocolate
26 percent of the bag had good advice, the largest single category. However, the total negative advice percentage came to 58 percent, excluding the category of “breathing.” I don’t know why Dove insists on associating chocolate with oxygen intake, but they do.
Dove Chocolates: The Milk Chocolate
44 percent of the bag had good advice, the largest single category. The total negative advice percentage came to 50 percent, excluding the category of “breathing.” Again, Dove is concerned that its customers are not breathing enough. Still, those percentages were a surprising discovery! This bag meant well!
Was my theory correct? Does the defense’s case hold water?
Dove realizes that the dark chocolate eaters are already tipping towards masochism, and so they are encouraging them to shed a bit of control. Milk chocolate eaters are, in response, encouraged to eat their way towards more self-control.
My theory was wrong.
I neglected to consider that Dove isn’t just selling the chocolates wrapped in advice the consumer is already hearing in his or her own head, but the advice not heard that each market might crave.
The messages Dove chooses to use are interesting. Several indicated focusing on nothing but the present moment, which won’t help anyone’s savings account or investment portfolio. As I noted, there was a significant amount of attention devoted to the act of breathing. Granted, some of their wrapper writers do a fine job.
They can, however, be careless with emotions and might cause more pain than pleasure.
I’m considering a Kickstarter project for the next leg of this important research. I theorize that when you read the Dove Chocolate messages backward, there’s a secret — AND NEGATIVE! — message hidden therein. This is a game-changer, folks.
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