Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Studies Blog

Why so serious?

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 6 comments link this post

I can appreciate circling the wagons. That's what friends are for.

But.

Why do I apparently have "anger issues"?

Because of this. And this. And maybe, instead of spending $100 (or whatever) on wrappers for water bottles to hand out at a parade* so people know the church "exists" and "cares", that money could be used to support a missionary through Gospel for Asia and get a lot more done. Or buy someone food. Or pick one needy family and change their lives even if it doesn't seem logical to put all the energy and money into one when "we" could help "more."

Because instead of buying pencils and toys and prizes from Oriental Trading company and feeding a government that still crushes our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ just so that little kids find the Bible "interesting" for an hour on Sunday -- maybe that same money could be used in a way that furthered the Gospel instead of furthering the insatiable "give me more junk that I'll be disinterested in within five minutes" that grows in children with very little effort.

Because we spend a lot of money on buildings and staff and salary and stuff and basically feeding our already fat selves. Because we think we have more control over who gets saved (via marketing and programs -- and yes, we do think this, if you look at how we do church) than the simple power of the message of the Gospel and the Spirit making it "attractive" without any decoration on our part.

Because the American culture is disgusting and consumeristic and so bloated and gluttonous and vapid that by "working in" and "working through" it to "point people to Jesus" we become enslaved by the same pragmatic, hierarchic, corporate beast, even as followers of Christ. We see numbers and get set in the idea of saving and helping the many through attractive programs and concepts, forgetting that Jesus left the 99 sheep to get the one. And, by fighting a "culture war", we unwittingly focus even more attention on that monster.

And mainly, right now? Because in a long post about problems I saw in the church based in our shallow culture focus that I very much felt led to write, the majority of responses -- both those in agreement or disagreement -- focused on the clothes we wear.

The. Clothes. We. Wear.

Shouldn't I be angry? With myself, and with the current way things are?

It is serious. That's why so serious.

*This is an actual example from a church I went to.

Labels: christianity, church, culture

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Why I walked out of church.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 40 comments link this post

Today, I went to Bismarck Evangel Temple, sat through the worship and most of the sermon, and then...walked out before it was done.

I don't blame that church; it is my own inability to fit that literally forced me to leave. I don't really doubt their sincerity, and that many people love the programs and opportunities that church provides. I've even found, in the past, a few sermons to be interesting. But...

I believe what I believe -- my Christian faith -- not because of tradition or because I was raised that way. Not because I want fire insurance or hell-avoidance. Not because I want to find a group or place to belong. I believe it on my own, I believe it to be real, I believe it to be important and valid, and I believe the way we have made Christianity out to be is completely wrong. And that's why I have such a hard time going to church as it is now done.

Reaching people with trendiness
A recent cover story at World Magazine about "NextGen Worship" inspired a strong desire to smack the pastors depicted in the article and in the photos. The cover photo alone enraged me, with the pastor wearing baggy jeans and untucked button-up shirt with flip flops and an ear microphone. Later, the same guy is shown out front of a church holding a paper Starbucks-like cup of coffee. Could he try any harder to be lame?

I'd have liked to have taken that cup of coffee and dumped it on his head. But it's nothing personal against that guy or his beliefs or sincerity. It's an anger at something else.

I'm not going to be one of those starched-collar Christians who, based on personal preference, say that this is a sign we're going to hell in a handbasket and that all things are wrong unless they are done as they were with the Puritans. What I'm saying is that I can't stand the phoniness, or trendiness, or sameness -- or whatever I'm trying to say here -- that the church seems to catch onto at the tail end, not even aware of how lame it is. The fact that this is not only actually successful in appealing to people, but attracts them, also disgusts me.

It makes me want to throw up.

It's buying into some kind of lie or substitution of cool culture as being relevant when it isn't.

If I see another cool Bible college student or pastoral studies major wearing the hemp choker necklace, flip-flops, open-at-the-collar shirt that's untucked, and baggy jeans, saying words like "dude" and "sweet", I will kick their ass. It's like the Christian version of annoying hipsters, an overly-studied and homogenized "with-it" faux coolness.

Perpetual youth group culture
In recent conversations with a couple of my girlfriends, I expressed an extreme disinterest in Christian guys of my generation.

"I've pretty much had it with Christian guys," I said. "The main problem is that they are 'guys' for too long and never become men."

They are, I theorized, stuck in the youth group culture. The church has encouraged them to never leave that mentality, and so it takes until about age 35 for them to extract themselves into adulthood-land where the women have been waiting for years and have been steadily growing fed up. Men not raised in this evangelical youth culture, I've noticed, tend to be vastly different in maturity level.

Youth group culture is a place of video games and pizza parties and perpetual "here we are now entertain us" (thanks for the lyrics, Cobain). When youth leave the appropriate age level (i.e. graduate from high school), they face a difficult moment, a moment made difficult because of age segregation, which I'll talk about next.

Instead of helping them get on into adulthood, we've introduced single's groups -- in the name of helping the unmarried, of course -- which are mainly youth groups for those in their 20's. Which, instead of helping people not be single actually encourages them to never grow up and, instead, use the group as their relationship fix. I see this particularly with Christian guys, this stunted maturity, and it somehow seems to permeate Evangelical culture today.

Age segregation
It would behoove some of the leaders in church to read The Death of the Grown-up. While some of the book becomes a little too nostalgic for specific generations and, oddly, jazz music, it nails it on the idea of how we segregate by age and, sadly, create a self-feeding monster that means teens look to each other for cues and kids look to each other for cues, and the adults "leading" them are pandering to them to get their attention. The end result? Idiocy. Never-growing up. Never asking for behavior beyond what we have let them tell us is normal for their age. They only learn to function in their age level and have no examples or incentive to reach beyond that and mature. We make no demands on their behavior, only bemoan its current state.

The church is especially notorious for doing this. We have kid's ministries and youth ministries and young adults and older adults -- all separated from each other because of age, thereby negating any positive and necessary influence the different ages might have on each other.

The children are removed from the boring main service for their benefit, and the parents get a break. The youth are in youth groups and, consequently, only learn to be youth and actually intensify the silliness of their age by reflecting off of each other. The adults trying to lead the youth fall for the idea that unless we have games and parties and other dumbed-down stuff, we can't keep their attention.

Why would we be able to keep their attention? We've let them take ours and tell us how to treat them. We've taught kids and youth to expect to be entertained and now we are in a vicious cycle on how to up the quotient and keep their attention. This is magnified and made even more ugly in a church setting when we try to find a way to insert the gospel into this machine of age segregation.

Focus on the family
Churches now tend to focus on the family. This is good, if you have a family. But, for those of us who are not married or do not have kids or a family, it really sucks. Sure, there's the obligatory single's group (which tends to peter out by the 30's and those still left, at that point, can fend for themselves), but the focus is really on the family unit, and raising children.

Today's sermon at church, for example, was on the importance of children's ministry. I walked out at the part where we were told, as the call-to-action part of the sermon, to do our duty and sign up for the various children's ministries. This was right after the explanation that children's ministries accounted for the largest chunk of the church's budget because kids won't pay attention if you just show up with a Bible; you have to have all kinds of programs and themes and activities...

I left.

I had to.

I don't know that the minister was wrong, though I think he was in some things he said. I am sure parents appreciate the ability to leave their kids at children's church and know they'll have activities and learn a Bible story or whatever, but it annoyed me.

If it isn't a sermon about marriage, it seems to be a sermon about family. I've pretty much had it. The only answer I get, as a single, is a few verses by Paul* which are supposed to make me feel good about being single since it's "the higher road" or some such crap. And then we go back to another sermon directed to those on, I guess, the "lower road." Or, I'm encouraged to find the other single women of my "advanced" age since the singles group doesn't really reach up that high anymore.

Whatever. I'm not looking for a program or ministry geared for me and my situation. I'm just looking for people to connect with and be church with. I'd like marrieds and singles and old and young in that group. I'm not looking for easy homogenization.

It won't work
As it is, I, and others like me, will walk out of churches. The coffee bars in the foyer, the casual attire, the buzz words, all the programs and activities imaginable, the big-screen video monitors, the contemporary music -- it is actually repulsive and fake to a large chunk of people.

These are the people churches aren't aware of, because they aren't anywhere near a church. They slip in, walk out, and aren't even missed. They don't fill out visitor cards. They don't want to be part of a flow chart or be managed as part of a Church-as-Corporate-Hierarchy system. They don't want a polite follow-up call or to hear a voice on the other end say that they just wanted to "touch bases" with them to let them know they're important. Even if those actions are sincere and the only plausible route when a church is so huge, they ring insincere.

Such people, like myself, sound impossible to reach or include in the system of church as we know it today, which is my point. They way we do church today isn't necessarily being church. There needs to be something else for those of us who can't stand the way services are arranged, the way emotions are herded into a set time frame (which today involved -- what was impossible for me -- going from the whole congregation doing "the wave" as instigated by the children's pastor into, about ten minutes later, "surrendering to Jesus" with soft piano music and hushed tones), how discussion is nil and being preached at in silence is the accepted method of learning...

...nope. Not gonna work.

I'm not looking for starched Baptist legalism, but Casual Friday Church is as equally fake and disgusting.

My church
I miss my own, small church, from back home. It's filled with uncool, normal people who just want to help and talk and connect and be real and accountable to each other. It's filled with people who want to go to the Dairy Queen after service and maybe have an ice cream cone. People who help change a flat tire in the parking lot. The building isn't huge or fancy. The church doesn't have programs and any other accessories to attract sub groups, like teens or kids events or anything that smacks of entertainment; there's no program there to attract me to stay, but instead, it is the real relationships that have done the trick. We greet people not as a job or because we're the assigned greeter, but because we see they're new and we want to get to know them.

I feel more like part of the body than an attendee when I go there. I have a place, an integral part, just like all the rest of the people. As it is, the more I attend these larger churches and hear about programs and activities and see places to sign up for classes and possible facility expansion projects...the less I want anything to do with it. I feel like a barcode in the pew, and little else.

I'm having difficulty putting this into words.

I hate to church hop. I don't want to waste my time here going from one church to the next. I would like to find just a small group of people and meet and talk about our beliefs and struggles and study the Bible and connect on a real level, and let that be church. Because isn't that what the church is, meeting together with other believers and being accountable and real with each other in our walk?

*Related post: Living as without

UPDATE: You can follow other blogs and comments about this post by using the links found here. I also have a response to some of the bizarre discussion on my personal level of bitterness, etc. here.

UPDATE 2: Judging from the emails I've received, and a few comments I've read, I would recommend you read the discussion in the comments section of this post in regards to whether I'm only talking about the clothes we wear to church, and whether jeans are OK or not. That's really not the point, but it seems to be taken as such.

UPDATE 3: Please read. I'm not on "your side."

UPDATE 4: A reader emailed me a link to a post that hilariously tackles some of the same subject matter. Go read it.

UPDATE 5: A commenter at WorldMagOnline, going by the moniker of Sawgunner, had this to say: Reckon you guys could have posted a pix of this angry gal? When was she last asked out on a date? I suspect she does lotsa blogging on Fri and Saturday nights. Since it is so difficult to "follow links" and find a "photo of the angry gal" on your own, I'd better help out. You can find a photo of me here and here. There are also photos of me on my main blog and about page, which any lamebrain could easily locate if they could manage their mouse correctly. I'm not sure what my looks have to do with the entirety of what I wrote and what was said on the matter, or what it has to do with dating and my Friday/Saturday night activities. Interesting that the last comment on that post was such a infantile one by another mature, godly Christian man, which only furthers to support my opinion of them and their lack of difference from any other guy. I don't know, Sawgunner, do I pass your inspection? I'm willing to bet you're nothing to write home about, either.

UPDATE 6: InternetMonk has an interview with me regarding this post.

FOR THE RECORD: I'm not really a "girl." I'm 34 years old. I think I could be called a "woman" if need be. Just to put the whole "which age bracket/generational view should I put her into?" thing in perspective.

Labels: church, culture

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Married to methods.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

I attended church at Evangel Temple in Bismarck this morning. The sermon was about pastoral authority and other sub-sets of that (which sounds like a sermon of browbeating, but was not).

The message covered the first part of 1 Corinthians 9, and essentially dealt with three questions in the church:

Who has the authority? (1 Cor. 9:1-6)
Where is the money? (1 Cor. 9:7-14)
What is the vision? (1 Cor. 9:20-22, 24-27)

The pastor had some very good things to say about the first two, but what really struck me was his concise summation on the third point regarding ministry method and the cry of "compromise!" so often heard in some corners of Christendom.

In my notes, I jotted down some of the ideas the pastor presented:

Vision requires change. If there is no change, it isn't vision, but maintenance.
Vision can sometimes get in the way of function (this isn't a positive aspect).
When Jesus healed or did miracles, he did not repeat a previous method. He showed us we were not to be fixed on a method of ministry, but be dedicated to the actual ministry itself.
"We cannot be married to our methods. We need to be married to our message."
Regarding the claim that different methods leads to compromise, methods that are held captive to a different era of time are a form of compromise. It is not wrong to "compromise" the method, but never right to compromise the message.

Regarding Paul's statement that he has become all things to all people so that more would be saved:

We do not disagree that foreign missionaries need to learn the culture and language of the country they are ministering in. Yet, we balk and some people spend their time criticizing anyone doing the same thing here in our own country. The world we are in is our mission field.
We adapt our method to reach people where they are at, as Paul describes. But, we don't change or adapt the message.

There were a number of other good points in the message today, but these stick out in particular due to my own online experience of excessive time wasted fighting with other Christians about method disguised as being arguments about message. As the pastor said, we find it easy and comfortable to argue amongst ourselves about method when the world is dying from not hearing the message.

This is a valuable thing to talk about. Much energy gets wasted fighting about the kind of music to sing, or on warning each other of "dangerous" methods and, subsequently, ministers who use methods we aren't used to. So often, a theology is wrapped around methods which makes any attack on those methods appear as an attack on our "correct" theology. Some things that come to mind are music and worship styles, and women in leadership in the church*.

* Please read this book regarding women in the church. Even if you are a John MacArthur devotee and believe him to be correct in his position that women have no place of leadership in church, I would recommend it. I would especially recommend it, in that case.

Labels: christianity, church, culture

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Sacrifice doesn't sell.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

A post at JollyBlogger caught my attention. Entitled "Branding Jesus", the post contains links more on the topic of the commercialization and merchandising of Christianity.

This past Sunday, during Sunday School, I somehow found myself saying that the reason we don't see commercials and ad campaigns selling the cost of discipleship is because sacrifice doesn't sell. People don't buy into being told to pick up their cross daily and forsake all else.

Now, Jesus-themed T-shirts and bracelets, they sell. For the sacrifice of a few bucks, you can be branded and join a group.

Those things have little to do with Christianity and more with capitalism, though, don't they?

Labels: christianity, culture, links

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Fat heads.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

No, I'm not talking about those stupid giant-sized sports figure cut-outs that people put on their wall. I'm talking about fat brains in an time of knowledge gluttony.

An old post over at the Harris' twins well-known Rebelution blog* (at least, among Christian teens it is well-known) caught my eye. The phrase that is used -- "mental obesity" -- had not occurred to me before. I generally thought of the concept in about 500 more words which, ironically, would be a form of some kind of verbal obesity.

Just as it is ridiculous to think that a constant intake of food will benefit our bodies, it is also ridiculous to think that a constant torrent of information will improve our minds. Like food, information must be carefully selected and properly digested to fulfill its God-given purpose.

[...]

We're constantly feeding our minds mental snacks but never allowing for quiet reflection or thoughtful meditation. Worse still, we're feeding ourselves "junk food" thoughts -- high entertainment value, all sugar, and no nutrition.

The writers of the article point out how often we fill every moment of our lives with something -- TV, music -- just to avoid being alone with our thoughts and never having to worry about falling into deep thinking which may or may not be painful. They tie this in with the concept of multi-tasking, making it a part of a series on their blog.

I don't know about the multi-tasking aspect as being the main culprit, though there is something valid about not celebrating the ability to do lots of things poorly. However, mental obesity, as I'm now coming to think of it, has more to do with the junk and under-work and less to do with over-work. I'm as guilty as the next when it comes to wanting to learn more, more, more. Reading, going, seeing, experiencing.

Not bad, in and of itself, but, like food, deadly in excessive amounts. There's only so much room in my head for muscle, and I fill it up so fast that it turns to fat and fluff and nothing sticks in a way that can be used beyond more distraction and confusion.

That's my take on mental obesity.

Periodically, I find myself either gradually removed from reading certain blogs and web sites (perhaps through boredom or just falling out of habit), or forcefully finished (ugly incidents, specific decision to fight going back and breaking the habit). This plays into it: lots of noise out there, some I need to shut off. Same with magazines, the TV (do I really need to watch another show with the same storyline, different actors?), and books. Classic example: I'm easily caught up in reading books about the Bible (the book) instead of reading the actual Bible. The Bible is tough, but the commentaries and theories about it are much, much easier. Classic path to mental obesity.

It's like the last part of Myst, the part with the water spigots that needed to be turned the correct way in order to complete the challenge and generate power. (The only part I never solved, I might bitterly add.) It's important for me to get the right spigots turned on and off. Too much is not better than too little.

--------------------------------------------------

*I generally read the Rebelution blog with a slight bemusement, not out of mocking, but out of being long gone from the teen years and the age of ever considering myself part of the latest generation that will change the world (for years, I was told that my generation would do that, too, which is part of the weird thing we do to teens -- tell them their generation will change the world until they hit about 23, and then start over with the next generation). The concept of "teen" and the strange subculture that we have allotted to it is best explained by Diana West in her book "Death of the Grown-Up." I appreciate what the Harris' brothers are trying to do, which is to speak to teens as adults and get them to step up and take responsibility instead of sinking into the eventual land of Adult Men and Women Who Act Like Teens Forever.

Labels: christianity, culture, education, life improvement, youth

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Complaining isn't exactly the Great Commission.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

Rick has an excellent post over at CRN.info entitled "Evangelism by Complaining."

He has some good things to say about how Christians often get so wrapped up in a kind of frantic and paranoid fit about how bad things are and how they used to be better, that we forget the very basics of what a curse sin really is. I left a comment there as well:

Good post, Rick.

I often wonder at Christians who spend energy and money and write books and give seminars on ways to "reclaim" our: country, culture, life etc. -- there is some merit to part of what that goal is, but another aspect is what you've written above, the part where the world is sinful and not really our home and why are we trying to make our lives here easier and more "heaven-like" when that is not our purpose on earth?

Spread the Gospel. Quit crying about the destruction sin has wrought, or you've already lost no matter what battle you think you're busy fighting.

Thoughts?

Labels: christianity, culture, discussion

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Ownership of Halloween.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 5 comments link this post

Despite the tragedy I'm experiencing today, I thought you should read what John Fischer has to say about Halloween in his "Fischtank" (which doesn't have individually permalinked articles, unfortunately):

October 31, 2007
Halloween is Not Satan's Holiday
by John Fischer

Here's what I have to say to everybody on Halloween, 2007. Fear not, stock up on candy, and turn on the lights.

Christians have a short history of opting out of All Hallows Eve, even though the origins of this holiday celebrated the martyrs who had given their lives for the gospel of Jesus Christ. A few years ago someone convinced a group of already frightened Christians that they should really be sacred on Halloween, so that's when the bad news of Satan's holiday spread all over the country (fear travels fast), houses went dark and everybody went to church for a safe, alternative celebration.

Now I know this wasn't always the case for Christians, because when I was a kid in a fundamentalist, legalistic, God-fearing, Bible-quoting, practically-live-at-the-church household, we always celebrated Halloween. In fact I have a friend, a little younger than I from a similar background, who remembers the year that Halloween suddenly wasn't okay for the families in his church, so he had to go to an alternative event at the church dressed as a Bible character. He was so bummed he didn't get to go trick-or-treating that he went to the church event as Satan! Major Bible character, indeed, but not what they had in mind. Happily for him, they ended up sending him home so he got to go trick-or-treating after all.

This said, I am not unaware of the fact that there are crazies out there putting drugs and sharp objects in the candy, and that Satanists may be into some nasty things tonight, but I refuse to let these people win by darkening my house. Halloween is the one night out of the year that everyone's home is open (almost everyone's), and moms and dads are out on the street with their kids, or entertaining neighbors at home. If people of the light opt out of this ideal opportunity to build relationships in the community, I can't help but wonder who really wins that battle.

So if you're new at this, this is what you should do. If you have kids, go out with a group of your neighbors and their kids. Talk to them as you go and find out things you can pick up later in conversation. At houses where adults seem to be a part of the fun, introduce yourself and chat a little bit. Try and remember their names so that the next time you pass any of them on the street you can say, "Hi Tom, how's it going?"

If you don't have kids, turn on lots of lights so they'll know you are home, open your door when the doorbell rings, rave about the incredible costumes of the little ghosts and goblins who are trying to scare you (be scared, in other words -- be really scared!), dump large amounts of candy into their bags (buy the best stuff if you haven't yet, the word will get out quickly that your house is the one to be sure and visit), wish them a Happy Halloween, and invite them to come back to your house any time. If you're feeling especially adventurous, you might want to try and do a little scaring yourself. I like to play the Ghostbusters theme and jump out of the bushes in a gorilla mask.

So have a safe Halloween, get to know your neighbors better, and above all, don't be afraid (except when scared by little ghosts). It's not Satan's holiday unless we give it over to him.

Something to think about.

UPDATE: Here are further thoughts on the matter, from Verum Serum.

Labels: christianity, culture

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Dips and cracks.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

It's the first time I've ever talked about underwear on a blog, I think.

It'll be the last time I'll mention the unmentionables here.

Pretty sure.

Labels: culture, women

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Ex vs. In.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 5 comments link this post

Keith Schooley has a great post about far more than what I'm about to pull out of it:

"...evidently only extroverts are real Christians..."

And there, in just six words, did he sum up the entire agony of my teens and early 20's church experience. Endless guilt where I confused being an introvert with sin.

Any introvert knows exactly what Keith is saying. He or she knows the gut-twisting guilt handed out by preachers preaching methods instead of truth, guilt that isn't even valid

Evangelism was always described in ways of extroverted methods. Confrontation! Handing out Chick Tracts (oh my)! Carrying your Bible around to every high school class, even Phy Ed! Praying in the hallway at the drop of the hat! Forcing yourself to be an Outward Christian so that others will see these Exterior Things!

Exterior. Extrovert.

Bible camp and youth convention speakers were always these exuberant, outgoing, extroverted-to-the-point-of-obnoxiousness Christians. My opinion of what passes for youth ministry¹ can be partly summed up as Loud Methods to Keep Extroverted Attention-Needing Individuals Focused. The introverts are seldom heard on this matter because introverts are seldom heard. Period.

That's the point.

Of course, this is because the entire world caters to extroverts. Self-help books and teachers extol the proactive qualities of the extrovert. Extrovert-ism is rewarded in our Western Culture. Extroverts are the ones writing all the self-help books, possibly because they need the most help or they are the least familiar with self. Extroverts enjoy giving introverts advice which can be boiled down to -- no matter how it's packaged -- "be an extrovert."

I wrote a post and linked to an article about introverts and extroverts a couple of years ago. Go read the article. I implore thee.

But regarding what Keith said?

Yeah.

What Keith said.

---------------------------------

¹During his visit, Jim (who has worked in youth ministry) and I talked briefly about youth ministry today, and where it is and isn't going. I sure wish I'd have picked his brains about it more, reluctance or not...

Labels: christianity, culture, youth

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Christians and underlings.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

A huge, angering, raging pet peeve of mine is how Christians treat retail employees, waiters, and service people. In my own retail/employee experience, some of the worst, most degrading moments have come at the hands of Christian customers.

One word: arrogance.

Of course, there are just as many polite and caring Christians as there are boorish and rude non-Christians. However, the topic and discussion on this post, and the post in question, doesn't surprise me at all. Not one bit.

I'm afraid I chimed in at the tail-end of the conversation, but reading the comments of both posts will be eye-opening. And disheartening. Of course, I have to remind myself of the kind of people that frequent such a site as the original post, and what they tend to say...it's a small pool of people.

I hope.

A small pool that doesn't come anywhere near me.

My general rules of Very Easy And Basic Things I Can Do To Humanize People Who Serve Me, And Show Them I See Them And Care About Them are:

Tip 20 percent, at least. If the service was really terrible...well, read the comments section here and see what you think about the story of a man who tipped well despite bad service. Plus, 20 percent is easy, easy math.
Look the person in the eye. Whether you're placing an order, paying at the check-out counter -- whatever it is, look them in the eye.
Smile. Won't kill you.
Have a Nice Day Back. If they say (or if they don't say, even) "Have a nice day," return it back, sincerely. While looking them in the eye.
Return awfulness with good. It might seem like it'll kill you, but it won't.

Any thoughts on the whole topic, or the posts linked to?

UPDATE: Here's an interesting post on tipping and gratitude.

Labels: culture, discussion, religion

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Why so serious?

Why I walked out of church.

Married to methods.

Sacrifice doesn't sell.

Fat heads.

Complaining isn't exactly the Great Commission.

Ownership of Halloween.

Dips and cracks.

Ex vs. In.

Christians and underlings.

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