Unloved.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger      2 comments      link this post     


"I suppose it's arrogance or selfishness or something to care so much about being loved that I could feel that no one loved me. ...So I believed that he loved me. And so I was--I was freed. With everybody else in the world I haven't believed it, and so I haven't been free...And if anybody is for a moment gentle with me, then I am--I can't explain, I dissolve, I'm completely undone"
-- Madeleine L'Engle, The Love Letters



Who wants to admit the need?

There's the wanting of the undeserved.
Or maybe undeserving the want.

Strange, how she's right. About being free. Being free only when you're captive.
In love, at least.
Undone.
I imagine.

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Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger  11/07/2007 11:25:00 PM   (2) comments   Links to this post    

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2 Comments:

I remember, after I had gotten married, how marriage was different than I had expected. It felt right, it felt natural, but it also felt different than I had expected. One thinks that marriage will solve certain issues, but instead it solves other ones. It is not a perfect antidote to loneliness.

It made me realize that part of what I had thought I wanted and needed from another person was actually not to be found there. And I realized that if, God forbid, I had to be single again, I would be able to handle it much better than I had the first time around.

But yes.

I do know.

By Blogger Keith Schooley, at November 8, 2007 6:33 AM  

Who indeed wants to admit the need? I, for one, do not. The quote from L'Engle perfectly describes how I have felt much of my life. I have always had an unhealthy self-image that is prone to believe that there is little lovable about me. This alone, probably more than anything else, led to my getting married to a totally unsuitable spouse. To say I dissolved and was undone, is putting it mildly. The very idea that someone could love me caused me to throw all caution to the wind. The result: a seven-year marriage that was filled with much "un-love," culminating in a bitter divorce.

I would like to think that I have learned something from my experiences. I would like to think that, but I do not know if I have.

In any case, thanks for the quote. I will file it away to reflect upon from time to time.

By Anonymous Will, at November 8, 2007 1:34 PM  

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