The Dale Carnegie tip that seems out of place.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger      0 comments      link this post     


I can't remember why I found myself over at the Dale Carnegie web site, but I noticed an offer for a free download of "success secrets." Since I am have decided I am not successful, I decided this would be a good move. Plus, it was free.

The PDF I downloaded was good. But...not at all surprising. Basically, it was how to treat people well and make them want to like you and do things that you ask. I can't think of anything on the lists and pages that I didn't already know, things like starting with praise instead of what a person did wrong, or being interested in other people -- those kinds of things.

There were good suggestions that I noted I could work on, and so I began happily copying these lists into my journal because when I write something down, I remember it.

Then I got to item number three in the "Cultivate a Mental Attitude that will Bring You Peace and Happiness" and I found myself a little surprised. There, amidst all the good and predictable advice, was this: Expect ingratitude.

That is the best advice I've heard in a long time. I often try to explain to people a similar idea but am told I am "too negative" or some such garbage. From here on out, I can say that I found it in Dale Carnegie material and I'm pretty sure no one would have ever considered him to be "too negative."

Expect ingratitude.

Expect people to take and not give. Expect people to not acknowledge your help. Expect people to not say thank-you for something you've done or given or said that benefited them.

Basically....expect ingratitude.

I simply must remember that. I'll quit being so disappointed in people. And I can quit fretting about people being ungrateful. And, on the reverse side, I absolutely must remember to never fulfill that statement for anyone else. Here is a start:
  1. Always send a thank-you note when someone takes you out to eat, gives you a gift, sends you something in the mail, etc. A note means you took time to write out your gratitude, and in regards to things that arrive in the mail, it lets the other person know they arrived.
  2. Every moment has something about it you should be grateful for. Find out if someone is responsible for that, and let them know you appreciate them for what they've done.
  3. Pay it forward. It seems lame and over-used, but the statement is true. Show you're grateful for what someone has done by doing something kind for someone else.
  4. Surprise people with gratitude. If people are finding their lives to be better by expecting ingratitude, imagine how lovely it is to have gratitude dropped in their laps.

It's unfortunate that gratitude isn't the default setting for people, but I know for myself that it's easier to complain about the little junk and miss the good stuff that I should be grateful for.

UPDATE: Find a few more leadership tips here.

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Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger  9/01/2007 10:51:00 PM   (0) comments   Links to this post    

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