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Revelations of an unexpected life.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this postConnally Gilliam's Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving The Life I Didn't Expect is a book that should be read by all single adult women. I referenced it earlier, on a different blog.
Gilliam doesn't write a book on how to wait patiently, what to do to change your single status, or any other trite and typical messages found in too many Christian books for single women. She doesn't merely see singleness as a problem, a calling, a waiting -- it is the framework for the book, but her larger message is something different. Instead, she directly and with unfettered words tells the reader to look for joy and purpose in God, to focus on giving to others instead of looking for what can be gotten for self.
I appreciate what she has to say. She's funny and true and in no way over-wrought. She doesn't shy away from any topic (sex and celibacy, lesbianism and confused friendships in an intimacy-starved age, the hurt when all your friends marry off and how a relationship change such as that is a loss, obsessive or wrongly-placed attention on ultimately unhealthy friendships, ways we substitute friends and relationships to fill a God-void...). In the end, after reading this book, I felt a lot of conviction about how I had been -- or more accurately, not been -- a friend. I saw areas I needed to improve that weren't so much about ways to end the "problem" of singleness, but ways to be a better human focused on God while caring more about others. I found a challenge to not let repeated hurts harden my heart while, at the same time, learning to wall off and protect the inner-most part of myself and not let everyone in and take from what I should protect.
As any single person knows, the single life, the longer one is in it, tends to lead towards an painful kind of expertise in saying goodbye to friends, or, at least, saying good by to the way a friendship once was as friends marry and lives change.
Actually, nothing has taught me dependence upon God like letting go of people. I don't think it's simply because I'm a chronically codependent, enmeshed, dysfunctional relational junkie. Perhaps there's some truth in that. But honestly, letting go can just be hard on the heart, and sometimes I need help. (p. 153)
Gilliam also makes some astute observations about men and women, particularly in how the two sexes are different in dealing with being single. In her chapter talking about work ("Work Part 2: Hello Wisdom") where she discusses dissatisfaction and uneasiness in jobs or careers that are not fulfilling or that merely serve to pay bills or bide time, she notes something interesting:
With some of the single men I've known, this wilting manifests itself more obviously than with their female counterparts. For many guys, with neither wives nor kids to care for and with jobs that offer money but don't invite attachment to a bigger purpose, there lives degenerate into gadget getting -- wider screens for their TVs or cooler cars for their garage. Meanwhile, their energies to engage with life meaningfully seem to seep away; their souls get stuck in cul-de-sacs. (p. 181)
Just an excellent book, one I highly recommend for Christian single women of all ages. And you know what? Men, and married people should read it, too.
Visit Gilliam's web site for more excerpts and links.
Labels: book reviews, recommended reading
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 12/17/2007 11:32:00 PM
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1 Comments:
I just found out secondhand (via the web) that one of my best friends got remarried.
Yes, things change. As though that time belonged to someone else.
By 
, at
December 20, 2007 5:32 PM
