Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Art Works

You can follow the summer's blog posts here.
You can read my experiences trying to learn to fly, which is here.

The dog has no name.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 6 comments link this post

My sister Jacqui has a very pretty dog. It's a nice dog, as far as large dogs in the house go.

The dog has a name.

I don't use it.

"Dog, sit down."

"Come here, dog."

"Move, doggy."

"Dog, get in the kennel."

It's kind of like the janitor on the TV show Scrubs, who is referred to as Janitor.

I find the idea of referring to people or animals by what they are both intriguing and disturbing. Intriguing on some philosophical level that cuts to the chase and gets rid of an pretentiousness or facade. Disturbing, because it would negate the idea I hold onto (with white knuckles) that we are not our job. In the case of Janitor, I'd really have to come up with answer to the common and hated question of "what do you do for a living?"

What do I do for a living? Breathe?

Either that, or people could just call me Person.

Labels: family, pets, television

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Ergonomic office equipment.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

For more Red Green, visit here.

Labels: humor, television, video

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Missing blog posts.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 3 comments link this post

I wrote a little while I was on blogging vacation.

I'm the jerk who would sit on the beach with a laptop and finish work reports while on vacation.

The four articles (I'm loathe to call them "posts" since that feels more beach-laptop and less writer-working) are entitled:

Easter egg dilemma
The neediness of winter
Don't you want it
Caution before digging

Exciting stuff!!

If you want to read the few "lost blog posts" that I wrote, well, you're in luck. Click here.

Labels: blogging, humor, my life, personal, television

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Will says he's bored.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 8 comments link this post

My friend Will* emailed me and said he was bored.

"I'm bored."

Well, Will, what am I to do about that?

I tell you what I'll do. I'll tell you a story.

When we were kids, my sister Janet and I were pretty good about playing outside and not needing to worry about being bored. We had our ponies and horses and we built forts and shot each other with popcorn guns. We'd ride for miles and do all kinds of stuff.

But, occasionally, we'd feel bored.

I remember wandering into the house and finding dad in the dining room with a cup of coffee, reading the Farm and Ranch Guide.

"Dad, we're bored," we said.

He didn't look up from the paper, and didn't say anything at first, but only picked up his coffee for another sip.

We stood there.

"Dad, we're bored!"

Another sip. And then, still not looking up, he said, "You kids have to learn how to entertain yourselves."

Will, you're just going to have to find something to do. I can't help you. I can, however, suggest some TV in a few hours. It is, after all, Sci Fi Saturday Night!!!!**

--------------------------------

*I painted Will's blog header. It's one of the few paintings I liked as soon as I finished it. Just a little FYI.

**Although tonight's movie is The Grudge and that severely creeped me out and I don't actually plan on watching it again. Sunday's movie, The Hive, looks craptastic enough. I'll watch that one. Killer alien insects! Yeauh!

Labels: family, friends, television

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The priest in the churchyard speaks Shakespeare.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

I was on the treadmill today, running my pathetically slow mile-plus as I attempt to get in shape for a 5K in May. I like to watch TV shows I've recorded on the DVR while running indoors, and the show Bones is one of my favorite (along with NCIS) for this purpose. It's exciting and interesting and keeps me in the mood to run.

The Bones episode I watched today ("The Priest in the Churchyard") was an older one, but I enjoyed it more than usual. It wasn't so much the storyline, but the usual undercurrent between the two main characters (Seeley Booth, played by David Boreanaz, and Temperance Brennan, played by Emily Deschanel). Booth is a character that is intuitive, fiery, loyal and emotionally attuned, whereas Brennan's character is logical, scientific, removed and in a state of being a kind of perpetual-observer. It's a kind of switch on the stereotypical male/female traits in some sense, and many wonderful chunks of dialog between the two show the conflict and interplay between two very different minds and how both kinds are very necessary.

This episode, with the guest character of Dr. Gordon Wyatt (played by Stephen Fry) as a psychologist (with some of the best lines, I might add), was particularly enjoyable as I gasped for breath on the treadmill. Between bantering and throwing about poetry by William Blake and great Shakespeare quotes, the conclusions Wyatt came to regarding human behavior were quite revealing in some sense, despite the set-up and superficial nature of all TV shows.¹

You can check out the quotes from the show and get a taste of what I'm talking about, but really, I just loved the back-and-forth of Shakespeare as well as the contrasting characters of Booth and Brennan, who have been created as almost the exact opposite in every personality and mental trait. They are the perfect foil for each other, unlike in any show I've seen.

In particular, this chunk of dialog:

Gordon: In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage of your psycho-social development, which by the way is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Brennan: I hate psychology.
Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.
Gordon: On the contrary. If anything, yours is more pronounced given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for somebody else's destiny.
Brennan: That makes sense.
Booth: Oh, now you like psychology.
Brennan: I think you'll both be able to work together just fine.

Or this bit of dialog:

Angela: All right, listen up, Monty Python. You got it right with Hodgins and I, that's fine. But we both know that you are full of it on the other thing.
Gordon: (faking surprise) I have no idea to what you refer.
Angela: Brennan didn't run off with Sully because she cannot live a life without focus. She stayed because of Booth.
Gordon: Ah, now you're projecting Miss Montenegro. Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan are not you and Dr. Hodgings. I stand by my diagnosis.
Angela: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back into the field. Solving murders.
Gordon: (amused and guilty) Your romanticism is endearing, but as the bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends".
Angela: He also says, "Journeys end in lovers' meeting, Every wise man's son doth know."

I think I shall now chew on the concept of being unable to lead a purposeless life and the negatives of that if carried to an extreme. And also, my inability to use Shakespeare like a fictional TV character. Alas. All this, while drinking lots of water. Because I'm tired and out of shape and need to be on that treadmill more than a couple of times a week.

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¹ I am loathe to become one of those people who insists on taking life lessons and emotional cues from an hour-long drama with dramatic music and slow-motion cut-aways. I don't want to sit around too often and find myself dissecting a TV show to death in search of life truth. That seems foolish. And yet, I'm doing it now. But...I don't do it much! Really!

Labels: relationships, television

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The irrelevance of Carrie.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

Girl Friday has had a post up ("Little Revelations") for a few days, now, that I've gone and read repeatedly.

It's one of her best, in my opinion. She talks about her experiences working in D.C.

I craved the make-believe friendships that included nights on the town, unconditional devotion (the kind that thinks friendship means tolerance, never guidance), swooning lovers breaking their heart over me, a high-powered career, and generally lots of attention.

She goes on to describe the difference between what she imagined and what was realized. And, at the end, writes it all to a conclusion beautifully:

I thank God for my weirdness and my nesting instincts and my love of true friends and my propensity for staying at home. They weren't happy (or unhappy) accidents. I wanted the Sex in the City life, but God would never let me have it. I'm better. Or I'm getting better. All those angry, naked wounds are healing.

And that means Carrie is boring. And irrelevant. What a relief.

I had a friend in college who was obsessed with that show. She made some extremely bad decisions in what I think was a delusion that the image portrayed by that program could be a reality for her.

It wasn't. At all. In fact, the few times I heard details about things, I found it creepy and gross.

It's true: Carrie is boring. And irrelevant. On all levels.

Labels: friends, links, relationships, television

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Plastic food.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

While participating in the medical study a few days ago, I found myself watching the TV. A commercial came on which showed a mother out in the yard playing catch with her two little kids.

Fine. Good mom, and all that.

Then, it was evidently time for a snack. So Good Mom whips out two plastic-wrapped snack bars.

The ad music kicked in, and the viewing public was informed that these were healthy snacks, with a thick fruit gel coating on top that provided a full serving of real fruit!

Good Mom smiles. Kids open snack bars, and holler with delight.

How stupid.

If you want a snack that gives you a full serving of fruit how about...an apple? How hard would that be?

Why do we train kids that food comes wrapped in plastic?

I know what you're thinking: even the apple slices at McDonalds come wrapped in...plastic.

I know that's what you were thinking.

Labels: food, television

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Food network.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

I am obsessed with watching the Food Network. I don't watch TV much, but in the past, when I did turn it on, it was always SciFi. Now, it tends to be the Food Network. Last night I watched the Iron Chef -- normally I probably wouldn't have, but "The Chairman" (Mark Dacascos, who opens the show) was so fine-looking I couldn't change the channel.

(I know, I know.)

What an amazing show. The secret ingredient was beets. Morimoto was challenged by Cantu, a chef who rather bizarrely used lasers and edible paper and all kinds of weird stuff. I had to go online later to see who won, since my sister called with a computer question right at the end.

Last night we had a meatloaf with oatmeal, sweet potato fries with taco seasoning, and a pear-blueberry fruit dessert with walnuts, oatmeal, almonds, and various spices. Mom made the meatloaf -- she'd already planned that earlier -- but the other two I lifted off of the Food Network web site and modified a bit to fit South Beach.

It was no Iron Chef, but it tasted pretty good to me.

Labels: food, television

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Some observations after observing TV.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

Mr. Clean would be handsome if he didn't have white eyebrows. In fact, he would almost look like Yul Brynner, who was handsome.
I don't think Yul Brynner would hawk cleaning products, although I could see him doing hoop earrings on QVC.
The murder victim is obvious within the first five minutes of Murder, She Wrote and I wish they'd just stop breathing so we could get on with the story.
There are few more humorous teasers than the brief Walker, Texas Ranger clip where Norris says "I'm gonna get real upset" because...without him gettin' upset, there'd be no show.
And only a fool makes Walker upset.
Food companies must think all women want to eat is yogurt.
And be regular.
And use a mop/broom that picks up a lot of dirt.
And buy room fresheners.
A lot of older men must watch Murder, She Wrote, judging by the kinds of pharmaceuticals being pushed during commercial break.
J.B. Fletcher goes to Ireland a lot.

Labels: lists, television

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Practice makes perfect.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

The violin group has to perform at an event today. I just got the music on Thursday, and finally took a look at it. I seem to have about 45 minutes to learn it before it's time to get ready and go.

Hmm.

Scheduled events after the performance, however, will not require much practice at all. That's because I've become very good at it with or without practice. I've perfected the mindless stare, all that's required. It's Saturday, and I'm sure most of you know what I do on Saturday evenings.

Yep.

SciFi Saturday!

The movie, Species: The Awakening, looks to be completely terrible, trite and schlocky, a cheap continuation of a not-so great theater movie. I can hardly wait.

Labels: my life, television

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Godzilla can't compare.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 8 comments link this post

I'm watching Bridezillas.

Horrible, horrible women.

Horrible.

Absolutely horrible.

One woman just screamed at her almost-husband telling him he'd better not make her angry because he'd be stuck with her for the rest of his life.¹

Horrible, horrible women. I can't hardly believe it.

Why would anyone marry such women? Aren't they a little ashamed?

I am all astonishment.²

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¹ She used much less refined terms in doing so.

² And what fine source did I locate that quote from?

Labels: television

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All the exclamation points you can muster!!! And more!!!

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 12 comments link this post

It's Saturday evening.

This means the SciFi Saturday movie. Tonight's cheese fest: Mega Snake! Starring Michael Shanks of Stargate SG-1 fame! Big snake! Something gone awry! Eats people!¹

!!!!!

This also means that unfortunately for Will, I have already peppered him with the usual email: "Mega snake, Will, mega snake!"

Past emails have included: "Vampires, Will, vampires!" and the like.

Will's emails either during or post run a little like this: Concerning George "whats-his-name?" death from having his arm pulled off, where was all the squirting blood? And that was some decapitation by a bulldozer, huh?

And people say good discussion about the fine arts is gone!

!!!!!

Anyone else out there in the SciFi Saturday night movie habit?

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¹ "Exactly how many ways can SciFi make a story out of "huge ginormous snake terrorizes/kills/eats townspeople" because there are ~~two~~ three others that I'm aware of in their repertoire, and I'm sure I'm no aficionado at that." (Actual intellectual email addendum to Will's regular Saturday dosage.)

Labels: friends, television

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Gas is a more expensive drink than ever.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

The local TV news crew must have struggled to find a story today. For the 6 o'clock news, they had a reporter doing a LIVE! report in front of the milk cooler at a Hugo's grocery store in Grand Forks.

"Wow! He's live, in front of the milk cooler!" I said sarcastically to dad, who was watching the news.

"Better than if he were dead, I guess," he replied.

The reporter then went on to interview the manager of the store who admitted prices were higher. Then he showed a pre-taped interview with a random customer who had just put some milk in his grocery cart, and said he didn't notice the price increase and basically didn't care. Then the manager came back on camera, and said that the reason Grand Forks prices were lower than in Minneapolis was because local competition, such as the super WalMart, kept the prices down in the relatively small city. Then there was some talk about how higher gas prices were the reason for increased milk prices. Then it was reiterated that the reason Grand Forks prices weren't as high as other places was competition.

Which tells me that prices don't have to be high and that there's a lot of "gas price" blame that goes on for a lot of things.

"When gas prices go up, it costs the farmer more to raise crops, and so food prices are affected," the manager said.

"Bah!" dad said. "How come the prices don't drop suddenly when crop prices are low?"

Then the news reporter began the summation of his LIVE! report by saying, as he reached LIVE! into a cooler for a gallon of milk, that consumers would be paying more for their gallon of gas. A true statement, if not an odd one, in the context of reaching for dairy products in a grocery store.

He stumbled, then restated, making sure we would drink milk, not gas.

Too bad it was LIVE! or it could have been edited.

I sometimes think the local news crew abuses their LIVE! capabilities when the news is slow, and that they use the satellite trucks and link-ups in situations they ought not. I fully expect, in the near future, a LIVE! report from the TV station restroom, a place where, I imagine, there could also be a gas blame-game tie-in.

Labels: family, humor, local, television

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Akeelah vs. Miss Congeniality.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

We've got a crisis.

It's the spelling bee versus the ~~beauty pageant~~ scholarship contest.

"...fans on a Miss USA/Universe message board took the time to point out that Miss America folks should be upset because ABC was broadcasting a spelling bee!"

Oh my.

"Indeed, the broadcasting company that “dumped” Miss America a couple years ago, forcing the pageant to find temporary refuge on Country Music Television, aired the two hour Scripps National Spelling Bee last night."

Good heavens.

I think, in the middle of all this scandal, readers should note one thing. The pageant was forced to find refuge on CMT.

No one would go there willingly, after all.

Thank goodness it was temporary. The contestants might have picked up one of those CMT hairspray-and-sequin rashes.

Oh, wait...

--------------------

* References: Akeelah and the Bee; Miss Congeniality

Labels: television

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Conan's Walker lever.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

For no reason other than it always made me laugh: Conan O'Brien and the Walker, Texas Ranger lever.

Labels: humor, television, video

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SciFi Saturday: get the bad habit.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 3 comments link this post

The Saturday night SciFi Channel movie has become a habit. I look forward to horrid acting, special effects, recycled music, predictable plots, and the comfort of knowing that all of this is coming, even in the opening moments.

It's great background noise for doing sketching on my bed, or maybe some embroidery or whatever other portable project I'm messing around with for that week. You don't have to be involved in the show to hate and love it at the same time!

Last week's keeper/thrower was Lake Placid 2, the shameful attempt at a sequel to the pretty good original, Lake Placid. Number two was as bad as I expected, a true delight.

SciFi movies are conducive to yelling things at the TV, like the classic "Oh, come on! That's so fake!" and "That screaming chick in the shorts is going to get eaten next" and so forth.

Will, a fellow blogger, has sadly fallen prey to the same habit, no doubt started by my encourgement to watch a zombie-type film a while back. And so, I invite all of you to do what Will and I do: report back as to how horrible horrible was and your favorite moments of grade B movie. Extol the non-virtues via comments below. The best-yet keeper-comment from last week was Will's reference to the film as "Lake Flaccid."

What's in store for tonight? Sightings: Heartland Ghost. The previews look decent. They always do. The promos are always good. For example, I look at the movies page and see the upcoming movies and think "hey, Ice Spiders might be good."

But I know better.

I might be a little hit-and-miss during tonight's showing, though with these films, "miss" doesn't miss much. I'll be saving myself a few text dimes and using the "real" way to chat, and catch the movie during "laundry breaks." But for the rest of you, there's no reason to deny yourself the agony of the SciFi Saturday night movie. A movie you don't have to Tivo because it will enter the SciFi stable and be shown at least 500 more times over the coming year.

Related posts:

Labels: television

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Some things are sacred.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

I tried to watch a South Park episode.

Never mind why.

About twelve minutes into the show, when one of the ill-conceived, ill-drawn, ill-voiced characters had a gas problem at the back of the bus and one of the other little idiot characters at the front made a reference to "making brownies", I turned the TV off.

They can make fun of all the religions and philosophies and public figures and tragedies they want to on that show, but no one makes fun of brownies.

No one.

You know how I feel about cake.

Labels: food, television

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TV shows I've never seen and I'm proud of it.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 6 comments link this post

Survivor
Friends
American Idol
24
Lost
Heroes*

*I made the spelling change from "Hero" to "Heroes." My ignorance is my badge of pride.

Labels: lists, television

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The most perfect WTR show ever.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

My dad is so obsessed with P51 Mustangs that he kept bugging me to change the computer desktop and replace the default sounds to all thing Mustang in his XP account. Now, when you log in to his account, there's a Mustang fly-by. When you open a new program, there's the steady roar of a Mustang. There's an air battle taking place on the computer screen and the Mustang is front and center.

Tonight must have been his favorite episode of Walker, Texas Ranger on the Hallmark channel.

"This one has a Mustang in it," he said to me.

It did. It shot down the plane with Walker.

The entire two-part episode was so silly but I couldn't look away despite the irritation I felt at the blonde chick with the life vest blubbering in the water and letting ol' Cordell Walker, sans life vest, swim her to shore. Or that she allowed herself to get caught just so they put in the damsel in distress thing. CAN WALKER REALLY DO EVERYTHING? That show has an addictive quality of either making people like it so much or hate it so much that you just can't...look away. I do appreciate Norris' roundhouse kicks, though.

Anyway, Dad's only quibble was when some of the ammo was retrieved from the airplane and it was referenced as 50 mm.

He snorted. "Ha. 50 caliber, more like."

It could have been a cocoa bean for all I know.

One of the odd things dad does sometimes while we are watching movies or TV is to alleviate the stress during an intense battle scene or something similar when it seems the good guys are losing by taking on the role of a kind of armchair Harry Doyle (one of the funniest movie roles) and insert a play-by-play to the effect of "...and Schwarzenegger roars over in a P51 with guns blazing and kills them all!" He also makes Mustang sound effects to accompany this statement. This can be distracting during a movie set in, say, the Middle Ages or the Civil War.

"Schwarzenegger is not in this movie!" I usually holler back.

In any case, with this episode of Walker, there was a P51 scripted in already; too bad it was the bad guy. I figured he'd just have to sit there and let the bad guys shoot up the good guys and not call for a P51 since it was already in action on screen.

I was wrong. The P51 is but one option to use as such.

"Yeah, but how'd you do if Gunther Rall showed up in an ME 109?" he said to the rampaging P51 pilot on the screen. Which could only be topped only with Zemke's Wolfpack and his P47's I guess.

I just rolled my eyes. The only reference I have at my disposal is Baron Manfred von Richthofen. And that's just so common.

Labels: family, television

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Why does the SciFi Channel continue to mock me?

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 3 comments link this post

I flipped on the SciFi Channel - that'd be 244 on Direct TV* - and couldn't believe my eyes. The entire night's schedule was Law and Order.

Law and Order, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Law and Order: The unspecial victims unit, Law and Order: We stopped naming them, Law and Order: version 5.9, Law and Order: 8.7, Law and Order: 33.7 .... on the SciFi channel?

Were they trying to be ironic? Should I have watched closely to see them morph Richard Dean Anderson's face on Mariska Hargitay's? Why were they running Law and Order: The Perpetual Show? If you could only have seen the rage in which I pushed the remote control buttons down, not believing my eyes.

They continue to mock me. I guess I'll put in some Earth 2 DVDs and relive the early days of college and Tim Curry's bad hair.

*Yes. We now have Direct TV. Us, the family that didn't have TV until I was in high school and had a Zenith with rabbit ears since then. Us. We even have Tivo. You'd be surprised how much I...don't watch TV. I thought I would, but there's nothing on.

| tag: scifi |

Labels: television

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Monkeys stink. On all levels.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

I look forward to the SciFi monster movie on Saturday night. It's how I get wild on the weekends. For two hours I get to yell things at the TV like "That guy's gonna die!" and "And here's the part where the cheesy monster attacks" and other fun.

Well that's just great. The SciFi channel has a monkey-themed day planned today. Monkeys are gross and have ebola. Guess I'll be spending another night reading.

| tag: monkeys |

Labels: humor, television

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The dog has no name.

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Ergonomic office equipment.

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Missing blog posts.

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Will says he's bored.

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The priest in the churchyard speaks Shakespeare.

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The irrelevance of Carrie.

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Plastic food.

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Food network.

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Some observations after observing TV.

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Practice makes perfect.

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Godzilla can't compare.

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All the exclamation points you can muster!!! And more!!!

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Gas is a more expensive drink than ever.

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Akeelah vs. Miss Congeniality.

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Conan's Walker lever.

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SciFi Saturday: get the bad habit.

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Some things are sacred.

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TV shows I've never seen and I'm proud of it.

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The most perfect WTR show ever.

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Why does the SciFi Channel continue to mock me?

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Monkeys stink. On all levels.