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Wear the purple belt.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 6 comments link this postI did go back to Karate.
I called sensei to find out the details of class and also to ask if I should wear the purple belt.
"Just before I stopped coming, I got my purple belt," I told him on the phone. "I don't remember hardly anything, though. I can't even remember how to tie it. Should I come wearing the white or yellow belt?"
"Wear the purple belt," he said. "It shouldn't take long to get you up to speed."
Lesson one: Teachers have the opportunity to instill confidence in students that don't have any just yet.
I parked my car in front of the building and sat, staring in the dark. It had been a long day at work, the day was late, after the long drive home it would be really late, and I wasn't sure I was up for this mildly terrifying re-entrance. I was looking for an excuse, but instead found myself shoving my gi and purple belt into my bag and walking up the stairs to the area where the classes were. I only recognized a few faces. Five years is a long time; the last time I had done this I was in another decade of life. I felt both amoebic and brittle, completely aged and inflexible yet without any muscle tone to speak of just yet.
Lesson two: It is possible to be opposites all at once, yet still function.
I walked into the dojo holding my purple belt and had to ask a man with a green belt how to tie it. The green belt rank is lower than the purple, and it was the first of many lessons in humility, both from having to learn from lower ranking members and having to take being lined up higher than them while knowing it was based purely on a rank that I couldn't flesh out just yet.
Lesson three: Being the greenhorn doesn't mean you're an idiot.
Sensei was very kind and kept the lesson from being brutal and more about the basic katas I had learned in order to get that purple belt as well as some gentle block and kick exercises. I couldn't remember the Japanese phrases and responses, I'd forgotten most of the Japanese words, I had to be reminded of things like bowing to partners and everything that falls under the category of "basic" but...I also felt more than a twinge of familiarity in the movements that I don't have down perfectly just yet.
Lesson four: The mind and body both remember and forget a lot, generally at the same time.
I confess that I almost hoped I'd be told to come back wearing a lower ranking belt. Sure, it would mean I'd have to test all over again, but it also meant I could sort of coast for a while and fall in the trap of thinking that I didn't have to do any better than the current belt I was at and that I could just relax a bit. Instead, I must rise to the occasion and work to get up to the purple rank, and then push on for the next rank.
How often I do that, show up for work or for an event thinking "I'll just do enough. That should be good."
A few years ago, I spent a week with my uncle. He worked with metal -- wrought iron, plasma cutters, acetylene torches and welding. We had a bang-up time welding and cutting and working gates and fences and making all kinds of stuff in the dimly-lit, coal-heated shop in the coldest week in January. Black coal powder lined our face at the end of the day. When we'd get done with something, he'd tap it and joke that it was "good enough for government work" but all along, his work was meticulous and he taught me that way as well.
He always showed up in his purple belt, the best level he was at -- each day, each project -- while I was there.
I don't want to do good enough work. I want to my current level of best work, in everything. With people. In moments. Doing. Being. Serving.
It isn't the same as being a perfectionist, which is a poison that is all about the result. It's not about competing with others, which is about being the best instead of doing my best. It's about doing my best, which is about attitude. It's about competing with my lazy self and making sure she doesn't win. It's showing up in my purple belt and pursing the next rank that you don't have just yet.
Lesson five: If you have the purple belt, wear the purple belt.
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 11/14/2007 12:01:00 AM
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Go gi.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post
I got out my karate gi tonight.
I haven't done any karate since 2002. I guess I achieved the purple belt, but I tell you the sad secret: I've forgotten so much I can't even remember how to tie the belt.
I can't remember enough to finish the first kata, much less any of the others I must have known at some point since I moved up beyond the yellow belt.
I can't remember the stance.
I can't remember how to fall and roll.
I can't remember much beyond the vague memories of tapping out when the pain was intense.
Why all of this?
A young woman started visiting our church, and I knew her from my karate classes back then. She mentioned she'd started going again, and we both started to sadly list all that we'd forgotten. However, hearing about it again made me want to start up. It'd be fun to have her in the class. I'd stopped last time because I was going to Australia for a few months and when I got back I just let it drop.
Karate is difficult for me. I'm clutzy. I have a hard time learning things spatially and in reverse from sensei. I also have to get over my fear of people close and touching me, since that's pretty much what happens. I also had, I recall, a fear of breaking my hands or fingers since I rather need them for piano, computer, and drawing.
I think I want to do it.
The location has since changed, but the instructor is the same.
It would be a good challenge for me, again. I want to see how much comes back. I want to get the crap beat out of me. I want to be thrown on the mat repeatedly and feel really limber after a few weeks. I want to feel strong and in control of my body in more than just a "forward" plane of movement. Karate was good for me. It was an achievement that made me deal with a multitude of minor little fears and phobias, those little multitudes that tend to create one paralyzing state of existence if I let leave them unchecked or challenged.
I'm undecided; there are considerations such as cost and how I'll work it into my schedule without excessive driving (gas is expensive). I'm undecided, yes, but...my gi still fits.
Labels: health, karate, my life
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 11/12/2007 10:16:00 PM
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