Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Art Works

Consti-bear.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

Oh, the glorious hi-jinx at work.

After receiving several scathing verbal blows over my recent cat scat post, my hurt and wounded mind slipped into permanent junior-high-boy level. So, when Anna innocently asked my opinion on a design project geared toward a young girl, I moved in for the kill.

"Try some teddy bears. Going to the bathroom. Because that's all I can come up with, apparently."

This led to a few moments of hilarity.

First, Anna came up with a teddy bear design and asked me to come over and see if I thought it would be appropriate. I thought it was perfect, and wanted an item with the design on it for myself. (See the design here.)

Then, she began flipping through the teddy bear clip art, trying to find one that would work. As I looked over her shoulder, my de-evolving mind infecting hers, we both started giggling at otherwise innocent bear clip art.

Me: Ha ha. That one look like it's...

Anna: No, wait, look at this one!

Me: Ha. That one would be perfect if you added an alien bursting from its stomach.*

Anna: You're disgusting.

She flips to the next image, which is actually a cartoon-y bear with its teeth bared, as if it was merely growling, but in our current mindset, it looked constipated. We both burst out laughing.

I went back to my desk to resume working. It wasn't long before Anna jokingly suggested I draw her some teddy bear clip art since she couldn't find any good ones. This was a foolish request since it was obvious I wasn't going to come up with anything usable.

As you can see.

* Alien, Aliens, and Alien 3 were on the Fox Movie Channel recently and I recorded them on the Tivo (and will leave them on there for future enjoyment). I haven't seen them in years, and I've worked my way through the first two and am obsessed with aliens and facehuggers. I saw the alien creature used in Aliens. It's in the SciFi museum in Seattle. In person, it's a lot less terrifying. Looks like dried up foam and paper. In the film, however...well, see for yourself (warning: linked video is not at all child safe). Ripley is awesome. I love monster movies.

Labels: cartoons, friends, humor, work

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The inopportune cat.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

Violin practice ran late and long, and so I found myself riding with Alice home in the dark. I'd carpooled with Alice, the piano player for the violin group, and her daughter, who is also in the group. Since it was so late, she decided to drop her daughter off at home first so she could get a head start on getting to bed, and then go the seven miles further to drop me off. I sure appreciated the ride; carpooling is very necessary when gas is $3.68 a gallon.

As the car swung around the corner up their long driveway, headlights splaying out in front and piercing the dark trees that lined the road, I saw it.

An inopportune cat.

I'm sure, at any other time, it's just a nice tabby cat, a jolly farm pet. At this moment, however, it was inopportune. It looked peculiar in the position it had assumed, at least as far as the distance we were at would allow us to see.

The car drove further up the driveway, getting closer.

As the car slowly rolled by the cat, I commented. "It looks like that cat is going to the bathroom by the road."

"It does, indeed, look like it is," Alice said.

I snickered. I'm pretty grade-school, when it comes right down to it.

The cat was all squatted and hunched, right on the edge of the dirt driveway, its eyes huge, staring at us, no doubt greatly chagrined at the invasion of privacy. Unmoving. Caught in the throes of.... well, anyway.

"That must be very embarrassing," said Alice.

I actually think it probably was. Cats are animals that do seem to get embarrassed. The cat appeared unsettled, no doubt planning to have his evening constitutional in the safety of the dark only to be mortified by double spotlights and spectators to take it all in.

Maybe next time the cat will think twice before relieving itself right next to the driveway. If cats think.

Labels: cartoons, humor, my life, pets

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I hate puppies.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 3 comments link this post

That's just a title to get everyone upset, a little inflammatory fun.

Three of my friends have puppies.

Puppies are lively, destructive critters. I have been told the many tales (tails) of what these puppies have done. I usually end the conversation very grateful that I don't have a puppy.

They're cute. I don't have to own one to appreciate that. I can buy a calendar or something.

So, in honor of all my friends with new puppies, I created a cartoon of an imaginary conversation that hasn't happened as depicted.

I just want to state for the record that I don't really "hate" puppies. But, for desired effect, I decided to go with full-blown hatred. Click here to see the full cartoon.

For those interested in drawing: You can watch a video of me drawing this cartoon here.

If you want a shirt: Get the inflammatory T-shirt here.

Labels: cartoons, friends, pets

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Here to help.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

A couple of weeks ago, a friend from my Nicaragua trips emailed and wondered about a cartoon I'd drawn from the 2007 trip.

I'd drawn it on the back of a Tip Top restaurant place mat. It was at the end of a seriously long, tiring, and strained week and a half in which the entire group look like they'd been run over by various trucks.

We were tired.

I drew the cartoon hurriedly, obviously exaggerating a bit, though it wasn't too far off. It was an attempt to not only illustrate our tiredness and the humor of it all, but the concept we Americans tend to have when we come down on such trips.

You know, the idea that we're here to help, and then we work in such a flurry of activity that we end up needing help while at the same time not always being so helpful despite the energy expended.

That kind of thing.

Anyway, to see the larger image, click on the picture above.

Labels: cartoons, nicaragua

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These are funny comics.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

I can't touch the visual and comical perfection of these comics over at BirdandMoon.com. My friend Naomi sent me the link via Facebook.

(Thank you, Naomi. My sister and I laughed our heads off. You know me perfectly.)

Labels: art, cartoons, friends, links

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My cartoons are like a virus.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

My cartoon characters are spreading like some kind of cheery, subversive infection.

Yep. Those creepy half-headed, round-toothed characters have infested yet another blog. Check out "Go Outside With Andrea." Andrea even offers up the explanation behind the header image.

I've done a few other blog tweaks, too, should you be wanting anything similar for your own blog. Andrea's blog is, of course, more than a header but a template that I made for her.

And of course, while I'm shamelessly self-promoting, I put up two new shirt designs: The Thespian and The Huckster.

Just trying to earn a few bucks, you know. Just like you. I need to save up money so I can start hoarding rice.

Labels: blogging, cartoons, promotion

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The arrival of Brutus.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

The arrival of a new little pet is always...something. A friend of mine got a new puppy which made me appreciate cats all the more.

My cat, Brutus, didn't arrive without incident, however.

My sister Janet, a veterinary technician, is always calling to try to cajole me into taking yet another dog or cat that needs a home. My guard must have been down back in July of 2004, because when she started in by saying how cute the little kitten was -- "Julie, he's really fuzzy!" -- I just couldn't say no. I can always say no; if I didn't, we'd be overrun. But for some reason...I couldn't say no. (He really was cute, by the way.)

Dad was, luckily, down visiting my sister and was able to bring the little critter back home.

The five-hour drive back may not have been a lot of fun for dad. Find out for yourself.

(Look how cute he was!!!)

(And he's still cute!!!)

(I think I've used up my allotment of the word "cute" for the day.)

Labels: brutus, cartoons, family

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Mixed payment not appreciated.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

This Sunday I'm going to a concert. The tickets arrived in the mail today, so I emailed my friend to tell her the news.

I wrote: Got the tickets in the mail today! Ticketmaster has quite an operation...talk about little fees here and there. (I then totaled up the amount, and divided it by two so she would know her half of the cost.) Two goes into seven three times, leaving one, carry over...16...8... ha ha -- that's what I just did in my head.

Her reply made me smile: Sooo, I have 30 in cords...that would leave how much in US?

She was referencing a funny moment from this year's Nicaragua trip, which I attempted to illustrate in this cartoon.

The entire group ate at a nice restaurant in Managua our last night in Nicaragua. We also had some of our Nicaraguan friends as guests, so this meant that when the bill arrived, it was confusing. It's not like heading down to the Green Mill and asking for separate tabs for each person. You get a bill, it's all together, you pay once, and you figure out a way to have each person pay on their own before handing the total payment over the restaurant.

It is here in the story that I wish to interject an important piece of information: I am an art major.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm stupid, but the kind of math I liked was abstract or stuff like geometry. Tallying up and dividing out a meal ticket is not my cup of tea. I have a hard time making change when the pressure is on, and you already know that I can't punch a basic time card correctly.

Yet, I found myself trying to decipher the Spanish and split the included tax, water cost, and tip, plus extract and assign the correct food and beverage to the right party. The messy little scribbled paper you see at the beginning of this post (click to see the back, for whatever reason you'd want to do that) is the slip of paper the waiters left at each plate denoting what we ordered so that when the food arrived, it would be easy to track down. It was tiny, and it was the only paper I had handy.

I finally figured out who owed what, using an 18.9 exchange rate for cordobas to dollars. I figured some would pay in cords, and some in dollars, and so I tallied up a total for each option. It was a "minor" irritation to discover the restaurant was using an 18.7 rate, but there was enough room on the tiny paper for scribbling and arrows and probably the Declaration of Independence had it been necessary.

It was all going well -- just a few mild breakdowns, mutterings, and pounding of the calculator -- until it was Michael's turn.

"You need to give me $17. Or I can give you the total in cords..."

"Here's some dollars," he said, handing me about $10 cash. "And here's some cords to cover the rest of it, however much it will be. How much will it be?"

I snap easily.

Like beans. China. Brittle bones. Spinster ladies with walking sticks and 500 cats.

"Aargh! Not in both! Pick one!" I have a low flash point. I need to work on that.

I don't know how it ended. Probably with some group members counseling me that included suggestions of "settling down", which seemed to be the norm by the end of the trip.

Remember, low flash point.

All that to say that I appreciated my friend's email response.

And I responded back: Well, "Michael", if you throw in four South Beach muffins, $20 in Canadian, five lug nuts, and two gift certificates to Target, we might have something.

Labels: cartoons, clippings, friends, nicaragua 2008

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The weekend was great, unless you heard it from the cat.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

I had a great weekend.

The cat...maybe not so much.

First, there was a meeting with members of the groups who recently traveled to Nicaragua. We talked, ate, and watched videos that will be, from this point on, possible blackmail material. It was a blast to be around everyone again.

And then. AND THEN.

My friends came for a visit to my very house. Let me repeat: they came all the way up here for a visit!

It was so nice not to have to drive somewhere to do the visiting. An anomaly!

I didn't even mind their dog, despite their dog falling in the category of "other people's dogs."

Can you believe that?

We had a great meal (my mother is fabulous and a maker of culinary masterpieces), watched a horribly bad and hilarious movie (Eight Legged Freaks), went to church together the next day, and even though I can't say that no animals were harmed in the making of the weekend*, it really was a high point. I really miss getting together with musicians and just making music, so having extra people (and we even practiced, which is a change!) participate in the music for church was really a treat. I forget what it's like to play with other people -- both the challenges and the rewards -- when I'm just sitting at the piano by myself all the time.

Then, after church, there was a flat tire on our vehicle which sounds very un-good except for the help from dad (of course), Wayne, Michael, Gaylon, and Lew. It ended up being a fine moment of good people with a few jokes and laughs thrown in.

Though this is not a stellar blog post, it is, essentially, an update and a thank you. Also, since I am petty, I have slight expectations of making all of you readers who weren't here insanely jealous.

That is always my ultimate goal, as you may have come to realize.

--------------------------------------

*If you'd like the cat's version of the weekend, click here. He has a slightly different take on the festivities.

Labels: brutus, cartoons, friends, nicaragua 2008

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"It's a flat area."

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this post

Click on image to see larger version.

Elias assured us that this different volcano -- Momotombo -- wouldn't be a challenging climb. My concern was that I didn't have good shoes along for any serious hiking. I hadn't brought much beyond flip flops and walking sandals.

"No problem," he said, when we asked him about it. "It's a flat area. You drive right up to it. There's a lake. No problem."

To me, a "flat area" is the Red River Valley, i.e. it's flat. As in, flat.

Kind of flat-ish.

Without incline.

Incline-free.

With the bus grinding and growling down a road that could barely be called such a thing, we arrived at a place that looked like a kind of picnic shelter that contained a flock of hungry dogs. We ate. The dogs did, too.

Then, following our police escort -- a large man who was surprisingly spry on his feet -- we headed down a road which was a gentle climb.

Though it was technically not "flat", I wasn't too concerned. To avoid the awful experience of being the last person straggling uphill from a volcano hike two years' earlier, I trotted right along behind the policeman, almost tripping on his heels. It was after that last volcano fiasco two years ago that I'd started running to get in shape, and I didn't feel nearly as tired as I had thought I'd be.

Near the top of this climb was a young boy on a horse who watched us make our way. Though he and his bony animal seemed innocent enough, I later determined that he was merely biding his time as the Americanos made their way to a place on the path which would dovetail nicely into his evil plan.

He was there to herd cattle.

As we rounded the top of easy hill, I looked down and saw a path of horrifying descent and crumbling, dirt footing.

I turned to Gaylon, slightly mortified. "So this is Elias' definition of a flat area, is it?" I hadn't packed enough band-aids for this kind of trek. I know my klutzy limits. My shoes were not appropriate, as was the same issue with the shoes of a few other ladies.

Nothing to do but go down.

Going down.

(Made me think of an Aerosmith song, which annoyed me.)

And...down we went. About halfway, the young boy began driving his cattle down the steep path towards the crater lake which we were headed towards. I did attempt to film the cattle bearing down on my as my shoes slid sideways on the slippery red dirt, but I can't seem to find the footage on my camera (much like I couldn't find my footage on the side of that hill). Scrambling for some kind of higher ground, the group pulled off to the side and let the animals past, billowing dust and manure in our faces.

A little bit later, I caught my shoe on a rock and fell down. Red dirt and crap all up my shorts and shirt. I'd later fall on the way back to the bus, on the actual flat road, right after asking Shannon how it was going. I'm famous in my family for hilariously bad falls.

The lake was beautiful, and some of our group swam in it. Because it was a volcanic lake, we were told to stay close to the shore; it quickly drops off deeply, so deeply that, according to our police escort, the best divers from Cuba had not been able to find the bottom yet.

Emily joked about parasites in the water that would cause bloody diarrhea, and there were a few technical difficulties when it came time for some of the women to change into their swimsuits (no changing rooms, obviously, so towels had to be held up back in the trees).

After a while, I told Gaylon I had better start back. I figured it would be slow climbing for me and my crap shoes, and thought it best to get a head start on the group. Gaylon and Lew went with me, and we made decent, relaxed time. I actually didn't get as tired as I thought I would, which surprised me. It reminded me very much of when I took my niece Brenna hiking up high in the Rocky Mountains.

(It also, sadly, reminded me of the movie Predator. I don't know why. Maybe the whole Central American jungle thing. It annoys me that such things come to mind.)

Though I believe we must reconsider our understanding of a "fun" and "free" day, I admit I had fun. It was fun to joke around with everyone, and to fall down in front of Shannon with perfectly bad timing. It was fun to see that beautiful lake and experience stopping on the trail and looking around and seeing the canopy of trees and the sky framed above them. It was, certainly, nothing I'll likely experience often and was truly off the beaten path.

(Well, actually, part of the problem was the path was too-well beaten. Annoying bovines.)

Later, Elias said he'd described the volcano and lake in such selectively deceptive terms because he hadn't wanted to scare us away from the experience. I can see his point; had I known of the sharp grade and the poor footing, there is no way I'd slid, fallen, and shrieked my way to the bottom with the shoes I was wearing.

I think, the next time someone assures me that a situation is "no problem", I will immediately believe otherwise.

Flat area, indeed.

Links:

See a cartoon about the day at the lake as described above.

Labels: cartoons, nicaragua, nicaragua 2008

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Sanity, in KJV.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 7 comments link this post

During Thanksgiving, my niece and nephew sat down at the table to do a little drawing.

"Auntie," they said, "draw something."

Seeing as how it was late in the evening, far past the 7 p.m. hour of self-destruction, I sighed and grabbed a sheet of paper.

What to draw?

I certainly was in no mood for grand art.

"OK," I said. "How about a cartoon?"

They nodded.

I drew the detailed sketch that you see here.

"What is 'misseth'?" my nephew asked.

"Good question. It's when you can't think of anything important to draw and try to improve your drawing's quality with a little King James Version," I replied.

He looked at me blankly.

"Mainly, it's just bad spelling."

Labels: cartoons, family

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The art of listening.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this post

Or, you could try Rick Warren's version.

Labels: cartoons, relationships

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Annoying co-workers: Chris Chiaroscuro.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 9 comments link this post

Chris Chiaroscuro has an easy life because he's killed his conscience by beating it into a gray, murky submission.

There's no right.

There's no wrong.

Nothing is black and white. Nothing.

It's all gray.

Chris is in for a rude awakening someday, but until then, he can rephrase any misdemeanor or felony into terms of jargon and ethical-sounding compromise. With periodic bad grammar.

(Chiaroscuro.)

Labels: cartoons

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When adults take over Halloween.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 15 comments link this post

This is today.

As mentioned previously.

This is as close as you'll get to a "photo" of me dressed up as a big, stupid foam red M&M.

Me, as a piece of food.

Me, unmeltable in your hands. (Touch me and die!)

Me, desperately trying to maintain a veneer of professionalism as I take my break and walk down the street to the coffee shop for a hot chocolate dressed as a BIG STUPID PIECE OF RED FOOD.

Why? Why?

Why?

I blame Martin Luther.

Because someone has to be blamed for this travesty.

Labels: cartoons, my life, work

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But with varying lines.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

Keith sent me an email about a month ago, when I started pulling down and deleting the photos of myself and putting up cartoons instead.

"...I hope that the drawings that took the place of your pictures are just your sense of humor, and not how you see yourself," he said.

My current profile picture on whatever ridiculous social networking sites I've signed up for that wants such a thing is the one you see at the beginning of the post. My sister Jacqui wrote (on Facebook) that the grumpy little character made her laugh every time she looked at it.

That pleases me. The cartoon makes me laugh, too.

But I also confess that Keith's email was fairly on the mark and unsettling. He kindly said that as a person, I have more going for me than those cartoons seemed to suggest.

The cartoon characters that continue to proliferate and take over this entire web site are frazzled and disheveled on the inside and out. They are black and white, except for a few colorful exceptions. They are, like all cartoons, based on something real but so far skewed that they cannot possibly exist. Ill-proportioned, best capable of expressions of consternation and anxiety. Angry about anything and nothing. That is the description of the cartoons.

They do have varied line work, though. That's something.

Labels: cartoons, my life

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The visitor.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 14 comments link this post

I had a visitor. His name was Jim. He arrived in a bright red chariot, and left with me thinking of how fabulous a blog road trip really would be. I love a good road trip.

I immortalized his visit here with a cartoon, drawn in fifteen minutes or less, [or the next one is free!]. Jim has the original and may use it, someday, as "good as cash" [like my signature on the cafe slip].

Shortly after arriving, he informed me that his Montana-borne haircut made him look like Wes Studi.

[What movie was he in with this hair? Heat -- that's it! You've never seen heat? Pacino. DeNiro. Same scene. -- paraphrased by Julie of Jim.]

He remarked upon the various Keillor-esque aspects of the area, and remarked he might want a shirt that said "Keilloresque."

["I would like a shirt that said 'I'm blogging this,'" said Jim.]

We drove to Starkweather and he saw where I went to school. He toured the town of Hampden (a five minute tour if you don't take the far road around for a glimpse of the lagoon). He got a look inside the historical one-room schoolhouse and the horse-drawn school bus from Epping, North Dakota, all located in one convenient historical site right outside of Hampden. He saw the Hampden Post Office and all its glory.

We talked about canola. Yes. Yes we did. And sloughs.

[Slough. It sounds like what you do to a pig before you eat it. -- not a fully accurate recall of Jim's words by Julie.]

He attempted to get me to howl like a coyote in order to break the dark silence of the night.

He experienced potato dumpling day at the Hampden Cafe, complete with belching clientèle.

He informed me that if he liked cats, he would definitely like my cat.

He got a look inside the missile site we own.

["It smells like..." said Jim, though Julie tactfully left off the last part of the quote.]

He informed me that I was one of a kind, though I did say "yeah" as "yah" once in the cafe.

He stayed at the fabulous Homestead.

He experience the grand privilege of the Lone Prairie Blog Creation Point (my messy computer room/art studio).

He got to hold Bob, and view, up close, the sets and furniture.

["I can't believe how small he is."]

He flabbergasted me with a Steve Martin quote and I chided him for not having seen Casablanca.

We talked about science fiction and various books. He told me of an Ezra Pound poem which left me laughing [Winter is Icummen In...Goddamn] and made me think of a bit of writing I wanted to print out and share but forgot to do so before he left. [Here's the scifi story I thought to share: Terry Bisson, "They're Made Out of Meat."]

I may not be smiling much in this photo, but that's false advertising. I had a great time. I hope Jim did, too. He leaves with me itching for a road trip, as well as wondering about how I seem different in person than the way I write, and very glad (despite knowing he took PHOTOGRAPHS OF ME¹) that he came for a visit. It is so good to meet the people I know through blogs. I really, really, really enjoyed this visit, and I hope Jim can say the same.

Any other bloggers coming through the great state of North Dakota?

Jim leaves, bearing gifts², because my grandma once told me that a guest shouldn't leave empty-handed.

----------------------------------

¹This is traumatic.

² Yes, Will, for you too. See? You benefit! You benefit gloriously, oh yes. (A "slight" over-sell as to the quality of this gift, but a fine placation for the time being.)

Labels: blogging, cartoons, friends, travel

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A day, in four words. Possibly seven. Twelve, if you want to be specific about it.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 4 comments link this post

(Note the "Dr. Evil" Nehru jacket. Nothing left to chance.)

I know, I know.

Too many cartoons.

What's the deal with all the cartoons, suddenly?

I don't know, I don't know.

Labels: cartoons, my life

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Annoying co-workers: Patty Photog.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 8 comments link this post

Patty Photog thinks you really really really really want to know everything about her life, family, kids, hobbies -- it escapes her that sometimes the people who work with each other only have that connection: as co-workers.

But no.

Patty Photog wants to show you her life, fully illustrated.

If only the daguerreotype had never caught on...

Labels: cartoons

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The many faces of miscommunication.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 8 comments link this post

Miscommunication.

There are many languages, including foreign and implied.

There are many interpretations, at least two per language.

Is it an interpreter issue?

A perspective issue?

A wrong facial twitch?

The wrong adverb?

A misplaced comma?

It's a miracle anyone understands anyone.

Labels: cartoons, relationships

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Consti-bear.

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The inopportune cat.

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I hate puppies.

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Here to help.

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These are funny comics.

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My cartoons are like a virus.

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The arrival of Brutus.

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Mixed payment not appreciated.

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The weekend was great, unless you heard it from the cat.

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"It's a flat area."

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Sanity, in KJV.

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The art of listening.

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Annoying co-workers: Chris Chiaroscuro.

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When adults take over Halloween.

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But with varying lines.

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The visitor.

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A day, in four words. Possibly seven. Twelve, if you want to be specific about it.

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Annoying co-workers: Patty Photog.

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The many faces of miscommunication.