Let it go.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 7 comments link this postIf it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."
I remember reading that over-wrought and over-used faux-philosophy gem in a book in high school which involved some guy releasing an eagle or something. In that context it made sense and so I evidently filed it away in the "always true" folder of my mind.
I was thinking about it again recently, for some reason, and decided it's a lot of crap.
It might make people feel better after a break-up (and I certainly can't fault them for that), or find a way to categorize plain, old being dumped into something Shakespearean, but that's about it. Really, it only works perfectly well in a wildlife catch-and-release program sense.
Instead, I find the concept a way of giving passive people the excuse for doing nothing difficult. It leaves everything up to fate, including blame and responsibility. It's a form of pride, too, which chooses to let things fall to the wayside rather than fight for them and perhaps eat an apology or two in order to hang on. Christian guys have the added annoying habit of using the excuse of biding time and letting the good thing slip away all in the name of making sure it's "God's will." "God's will" is almost synonymous for inaction, the ultimate religious guilt-free excuse.
"It wasn't meant to be, I guess. She wasn't meant to be mine. I'm just not the one for her. I had to set her free. She needed to go onto better things." Please. Just shut up. She would have stayed if you could have put a stop to your own self-hating pity party and just been honorable instead of pathetic.
As my friend GirlFriday wrote in a comment on a blog post, there is distinct value (and difficulty) in knowing a good thing when you have it. Perhaps it comes with age and experience, this recognition of a good thing.
Stop all this "letting things go" nonsense. Hang onto it. Grab on tight and quit letting people and things slip away because of what's unimportant or the silly notion that life is Las Vegas and good things are worth tossing away in a gamble to see if they'll come crawling back and make you feel good about yourself. Don't fool yourself into thinking there's a never-ending supply of equivalent good coming down the pipe.
And don't fool yourself into thinking that it'll come back to you and then you'll know for sure it's yours; few things come back to the passive, particularly the good things. In fact, if you set something free and it comes back to you, there's a pretty good chance you have a stalker on your hands. Get a lawyer on retainer. In reality, the person who can't hold onto the good things he only sees in the rear view mirror will find himself eulogizing his regrets with bad poetry and little else to show for it.
I would like to note that the eagle never came back to the kid in that book. There was much purple prose about it, but the essential point that I pull from it now is that when you set something free, it tends to take that as a message to get the heck out of Dodge and not as a message to stick around. Take that for what it's worth.
Do you recognize the good thing in your life? Hold on like there's no tomorrow, because there might not be. Especially if you let it go.
Labels: essay, relationships
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 7/06/2008 10:36:00 PM
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7 Comments:
Wait, so if you don't let it go, aren't you at the risk of becoming a stalker yourself?
By 
David Cho, at
7/7/08 12:40
Totally.
It's a lose-lose situation.
My specialty.
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
7/7/08 12:41
It feels like an eternity has passed since I wrote that post. The funny thing about it is that I "let it go" and it did come back, but I didn't want it anymore.
To be honest I never pondered the meaning behind the statement, but it sure did make me feel better about the situation.
But you're wrong about two things. Firstly, letting it go was the last resort, I tried everything that my male brain could think of to win that girl back, it certainly was not the path of least resistance. Secondly, while I agree that many people suffer from not knowing what they've got until it's gone (not Shakespeare but equally theatrical) I think a bigger problem is not recognizing someone that's bad for you.
In any case, I hope that your search for the phrase was not predicated by your own personal heartaches. If they are, I have another favorite saying that you'll likely disagree with but I treat as an axiom for life: "things have a way of working out when you don't expect them to".
All the best,
Brandon Erik Bertelsen
By 
BEB, at
7/7/08 17:04
Two things:
1. "Wrong" is a strong word. Perhaps the concept of "circumstance-based variance" would be better, because what I said is not always wrong.
2. There is a difference in "letting go" of someone struggling and pushing to get away or who very much wants to go (nothing you can do about that), and the "letting go" of someone who isn't wanting to go but becomes distant and starts to fall away because you let go by means of laziness, disinterest, and lack of real, honest effort. It is this latter version of "letting go" that I'm referencing. Perhaps I didn't really clarify that well, though in using words like "passive" and such, I thought I had. The former would fall into David's concept of "stalking."
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
7/7/08 20:51
I was thinking, is it possible for two parties to stalk EACH OTHER actively? Sounds like a Twilight Zone script.
I shall leave you with five words.
Let Go and Let God.
(Some Christian slogans are downright painful to hear, and this is one of them. Sharing the pain with you).
By David Cho, at
8/7/08 17:32
Touché :)
By BEB, at
9/7/08 23:12
How many more of those beauties do you have at your disposal, David?
We need to get those slogans on some laminated wood signs, stat.
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
10/7/08 22:49
