All or nothing.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 6 comments link this postI beat my severe sugar addiction to a victorious pulp, but I find it creeping back on me in the guise of Cadbury Mini-Eggs. This is greatly bothering me, and I know the best solution, since I cannot seem to control it, is to cut it completely and be thankful for an early Easter that will soon be over.
No, I cannot, in this area, have just a few. No, I cannot control it. No, I know my limits and I know. In this, it is all or nothing. I either eat the whole bag or don't even open it. I can latch onto something healthy (running, better eating) with the same tenacity. It just so happens this is not a good thing I've got latched onto me.
I've had this "all or nothing" debate before (with various people with me in varying stages of emotional distress) about my "all or nothing" personality; the conclusion reached (mainly by others) was that it was destructive.
Initially, I would agree. It seems pretty unfair and rotten to expect all or nothing from someone, or myself, in life.
On the other hand, God has a thing for us "all or nothing" people. Matthew 6:24 tells us to pick one or the other, but not both. Be either hot or cold, but not the lukewarm middle, we're told. Luke 14:26-27 doesn't sound like there's a lot of wishy-washy middle ground.
Certainly, these are directed towards Christian living. But, knowing how we humans suffer from philosophy creep, I don't doubt that the lukewarm, anti-"all or nothing" crowd tends to err on the cautious side when it comes to God stuff. A rather bad error.
My "all or nothingness" serves me well. I periodically throw caution to the wind and foolishly dive right in, full-trust ahead. I don't hold back from people in my life; I give them my all. I burn myself pretty good, doing this, but I eventually get up and do it again. I burn hot, burn out, and start up again.
Do you want a partial? No, you really don't. You want it all. You don't want half a job, half the attention, half the effort, half the thought, half the person, half the love, half the listening ear.
You want it all. The full-meal deal.
All or nothing people are happy to oblige.
Why?
Because a life of constant middling gets tiresome. Even more so than a life of constant burn. I sometimes feel as if the Middle Ground is full of people wearing helmets and shin guards and safety harnesses. It's crowded and polite and everyone is constipated emotionally, dying to get out but trying to conserve some part of themselves in case they need it later.
The Middle Ground is flat. There's no need to save your energy, if you're there! There's no climbing!
The Middle Ground is full of partials, the people who give you some of their time and some of their attention and some of their love, but keep some for themselves as a defensive measure and also "just in case."
"Everything in moderation!" I hear. But I find that most people who say that, myself included, tend to end up with nothing. Nothing, in moderation, is still nothing.
And that puts you squarely in the "nothing" category of "all or nothing."
Shoot for "all." You're bound to hit something. The burn isn't so bad, even if it ends up being bridges.
Labels: essay, relationships
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 3/15/2008 11:31:00 PM
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6 Comments:
Hot Tamales call to me in hoarse, deep voices.
By 
Ari_1965, at
16/3/08 17:08
Julie,
Let me ease your mind. While I can't speak to the Cadbury Egg addiction, I do have an excellent alternative.
On the low-glycemic diet I've been on (and have loved, especially after effortlessly losing 30 pounds in just two months), a few chocolate items are approved. Dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate in that regard, and Peanut M&M's are okay on the diet, having a much lower glycemic response than many other candies. Combine the two and go with the dark chocolate Peanut M&Ms and you'll be okay. Have a handful now and then and know that you aren't killing yourself.
So say goodbye to the guilt and hello to a chocolate fix that won't inflate your waistline. I would think that the almond M&Ms are also a good bet.
(Now if they would only go back to the one pound bags of Peanut M&Ms and stop lying to us with these 12.6 oz frauds they're foisting on us!)
By dle, at
16/3/08 17:08
Well, I've been doing the dark chocolate thing for some time now. 87% cocoa organic chocolate bars, a little piece each day. So it's not really a chocolate craving...
The weird thing is...I'm not interested in other food that's off-limits -- I don't want other candy. Not interested in sugary beverages. I don't want white bread or processed junk. I crave lettuce and broccoli. It sounds weird, but I'm pretty happy eating the non-processed vegetables/fruit/protein I've come to get used to.
But the Mini-Eggs.
I don't know what to say. The right taste, the right texture, the right combination of crunch from the sugar shell and soft chocolate inside... they are the candy from the devil.
So I can't wait for Easter to pass...sigh.
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
16/3/08 19:08
"Because a life of constant middling gets tiresome. Even more so than a life of constant burn. I sometimes feel as if the Middle Ground is full of people wearing helmets and shin guards and safety harnesses. It's crowded and polite and everyone is constipated emotionally, dying to get out but trying to conserve some part of themselves in case they need it later.
The Middle Ground is flat. There's no need to save your energy, if you're there! There's no climbing!
The Middle Ground is full of partials, the people who give you some of their time and some of their attention and some of their love, but keep some for themselves as a defensive measure and also "just in case.""
...being an extremist my own self, I can really relate to this, nothing irks me more than when I sense people are holding back, have walls up, and won't let me in, when I have the door to my own heart swinging WIDE OPEN in the wind at all times.
You are right, it's far better to get burned or to burn a bridge than it is to do something halfway-- particularly a relationship.
The only thing more maddening is when you show someone what is in your own heart and mind, and that other is offended by it, and proceeds to try and change it. Sigh. In that case, the bridge should most definitely be burned.
Beautiful use of the word constipated, btw... that made me giggle
By Andrea, at
17/3/08 10:01
Hmmmm Cadbury Eggs!
By 
, at
17/3/08 13:37
Julie --
While we may feel more comfortable around individuals who are middling (or moderates), ultimately the relationships that have the greatest impact on our lives will be with those who are "all or nothing". It is exhilarating to be in the presence of someone who is meteoric, who will throw caution to the wind and give of their all.
I believe this is true of all aspects of life, but more so in those very personal relationships. Yes, being out there entails taking a risk. And yes, many times that may result in being hurt. But to not do so means leading a life that can be unfulfilling.
I think that the ever increasing middle-ground people are a reflection of this stifling, politically correct society we have become. There is such a fear of being labled, stigmatized, even ostracized that people seek out the safe, middle position. The consequence is that those who refuse to go along, who are "all or nothing", find themselves with fewer individuals who can comfortably accept this.
For me, I much prefer the politically incorrect, "all or nothing" individual. The honesty is refreshing and the joie de vivre exciting.
Keep shooting for all aand don't let the burn get you down.
By Rey, at
17/3/08 13:52
