Christmas party time.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 5 comments link this postI'm headed to South Dakota to attend a Christmas party at my friends' house.
This will be my first adult Christmas party.
I sure wish the word "adult" hadn't become an adjective to describe pervy things.
What I mean is that I've not been to a "Christmas party" before, in the sense that my party-going experience has been church youth parties, or a small get-together before work for 20 minutes with my co-workers that hardly constitutes a party. All Christmas party experiences have had a feeling of being at work (co-workers) or a family friendly atmosphere where it felt like an extension of church. They don't have a separateness to them, a special "this is just a party for the sake of party and not just because we work together or the same people you see every week!"
No -- I've not been to a party held at a house for the sake of just holding a party for the holiday, inviting friends over.
Part of this is because most of my friends live far elsewhere. Hence, the drive to South Dakota.
Frankly, meeting new people terrifies me. Picture a seemingly normal person suffering from what I call "dry drooling." I generally get through it by pretending that it doesn't bother me and imagining that I have Oodles Of Confidence, and that I am A Confident And Out-going Person With Skills. Essentially, I lie to myself. It usually works. When it doesn't, it's painful.
I'm very introverted.
I told my friend in an email that I was concerned I'd embarrass her. "Sometimes I freeze in social situations. You'll know if it happens, because it will be apparent to all that I am ill at ease and socially retarded. But I'll have great shoes on, if it happens or not. My goal is not to shame you. 'This is Julie. She's...interesting.'"
The great shoes comment is due to an earlier email conversation in which I discovered I would finally have a chance to wear a nice outfit complete with high heels since the party would be held where I'd be staying and I'd not have to battle the winter snow. The problem will be in selecting which pair of impractical shoes that I have collected over the years and rarely get a chance to wear. There's so little call for high heels out here on the farm with my party-free life.
Previous email discussions included mention of velvet and velour, vintage and corduroy.
You'll just have to guess on those.
So, I'm off to be a party-goer, sometime tomorrow evening.
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 12/13/2007 09:01:00 AM
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5 Comments:
Julie,
Christmas party dread/social anxiety sympathy from me. I am in the same boat.
There are plenty of interesting folks in SD, many of whom love to talk. You can always let them carry the conversation. If you don't want to, I am sure you will be fine. Based on your writings here, you clearly have a lot to say and a knack for saying it far more succinctly than I do.
Best of luck & remember, as I have to in these situations, that this is supposed to be a source of fun, not stress.
Merry Christmas from SD
By 
, at
13/12/07 10:12
Julie --
I can empathize with your shyness. Most people who know me won't believe that I was incredibly introverted as a child. I had very few friends, although the ones I did have were very close companions. It took going into sales after college to help me overcome the fear of speaking in groups. Of course, now, as a teacher, they can't get me to be quiet.
An "adult" party, that isn't work or family related, can be a great opportunity to start to move away from that near paralyzing fear. You can be a confident person even if not outgoing. You are a well read and articulate person who has many interesting observations and views on a wide variety of subjects. You have a wonderful sense of humor that looks at things from the most interesting perspectives.
Just remember that everyone else at that party has their own strengths and weaknesses. The best conversation is that which involves what is truly heartfelt. Mostly, don't worry about how you will break the ice. Just go to have a good time and relax. That usually works for me.
Anyway, I wish you well. Try to have a good, fun evening.
Rey
By 
Rey, at
13/12/07 12:34
I find it helpful to hang out by the food. You don't have to talk when your mouth is full, as that would be rude. Alternately, you can talk about the food. Or, you can help your host by passing around trays of food. Everyone will be happy to see you approaching their conversation clusters - and you won't feel like you're butting in.
You also might consider putting on your reporter hat (choose the one that matches your party shoes!). Ask a few questions. People like talking about themselves.
Have a wonderful time!
By , at
13/12/07 12:46
Julie -- I agree with your annoyance with the unsavory connotations that the word "adult" has acquired. Actually, I go back and forth between being annoyed and being amused by it. I'll never forget the time that I was shopping at the grocery store and discovered that the cereal aisle had been divided into "family cereal" and "adult cereal". That really had me wondering what sort of "prizes" might be in the boxes of "adult" cereal. I suppose they really just meant high fiber or something like that. The same misfortune has fallen the word "mature". I'm always thinking that the warnings before certain movies that I see advertized on TV should say "immature audiences only". Bill in Spokane
By , at
14/12/07 09:13
Reclamation of the word adult starts right here and right now.
Yesterday, I went to a theater and watched an adult movie. "I am Legend." I highly recommend it.
By David Cho, at
18/12/07 13:49
