Various Odes.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 8 comments link this post(Which is meant to be filled with foaming soap liquid.)
(But was instead filled with regular liquid soap.)
Oh, glurg.
Oh, urg.
Splat, split, splot.
At least I know you have no rabies,
soap dispenser,
For there is no froth.
Glirg. Glarg. Glurgshpkrgg.
You sing forth.
Dirty hands.
--------
Ode to the Unsatisfied Customer
(Desperately in need of a breath mint)
Like a fire-breathing dragon
You melt your path clear.
"That's bad art!"
I maintain
That you
Seriously
Lack any taste.
Both in your art
and in your acid-scorched
mouth.
--------
Ode to the Boy with the Big Pants
(Aided and abetted by JC Penney.)
Oh, sloppy boy.
(Could your name be Joe?)
Your khaki cargoes
Sink, dive, plummet
Too far below.
"What up?" you ask
Certainly not your bifurcated garment.
I don't see London
and I don't see France
But I regretfully see
Your underpants.
--------
Ode to the Lady who Works at the Salon Two Stores Down
Your artistry is shear magic;
Gray hair yours, but now blond.
Brunette, auburn, red
Peroxide extraordinaire
You make dead hair deader than dead.
The secret to what lies beneath
the topcoats of local women
is yours.
And now you know what lies beneath
the forest-green topcoat of your ginormous Ford Excursion
because I keyed
all four doors.
That'll be the last time you take up two parking spots.
I think that about covers the day.
UPDATE: I lied.
-------------------------------
Ode to Condiments that Know Their Job
Oh, mighty Heinz.
The impossible flavor.
Impossible because of the safety seal
I couldn't remove except with
a knife
which proved unsafe.
You're not that great!
What's that, Worcestershire Sauce?
You smile at me.
What's this "pinch hit" you speak of?
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 9/05/2007 04:08:00 PM
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8 Comments:
Do you and E. A. Poe have something in common?
By 
Henry (Rick) Frueh, at
5/9/07 17:57
Yes. We're both dead.
Oddly, Poe and the soap dispenser have nothing in common. I read a theory that Poe died from rabies.
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
5/9/07 18:36
In college I wrote "Ode to an Ingrown Toenail" but it was never published.
Sure, they all laughed at Columbus.
By 
, at
5/9/07 19:13
Ingrown toenails are serious.
I don't see what's so funny about that.
/sarcasm
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
5/9/07 20:10
That soap dispenser ode, is that you channeling Ezra Pound? Or something.
By Jim, at
5/9/07 20:12
Heavens, no.
I'm channeling Lewis Carroll.
By Julie R. Neidlinger, at
5/9/07 20:14
No, you are totally channeling McSweeney's.
By , at
6/9/07 00:58
How can one channel a whole website?
By Jim, at
6/9/07 05:05
