Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Art Works

NOTICE: I will be gone for over a week, and will likely not be near a computer much (which is nice). However, I have been busily writing in the background and, should all things go as planned, scheduled posts should still appear on this site. I won't be here to answer emails, but you should still have a few things to read.

The new Tetzel.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

Coldplay's Christ Martin is the new Johann Tetzel. He advocates carbon offsets to an extreme, which are nothing more than indulgences for the environmentalist who is both religious in green beliefs as well as gullible.

The only way to really point out the silliness of carbon offsets is to point out the silliness of the concept of behaving contrary to belief and expecting money to do your work. And I can't say it any better than Lore Sjöberg at Wired, whose article "Ugly? Stupid? A Jerk? Relax, Your Worries Are Over" mocks the concept perfectly.

According to Sjöberg, you can be ugly and offset it with money that goes to:

"[...] beauty college scholarships and research into moisturizing creams -- after taking our cut, of course -- thereby making you, economically speaking, so damn sexy."

According to Sjöberg, you can be a jerk and offset it with money that will:

"[...] perform random acts of market-driven kindness. Then the next time a pedestrian tries to cross the street right in front of your Beemer, you can yell at them, make up new sex acts for them to try out on pets and family members, throw your half-empty Starbucks cup right at their head, and then explain that you've fully offset your antisocial acts and, in the big picture, you've basically just bought them an ice cream cone and knitted them a hat."

According to Sjöberg, you can be stupid and offset it with money:

"[...] which we'll spend on scholarships and trivia quizzes. We'll send you a card with your offset IQ -- at current rates only $5,000 will bring you up to Hawking level -- and a free membership in Mensa."

Carbon offsets are bulls**t. Which, ironically, is a by-product of one of the current leaders in air pollution: cows.

Martin, and the other Tetzels, may want to purchase some SPF 60. This can be applied to both the skin and to whichever part of the "indulgences/global warming" metaphor seems most necessary.

Hat Tip: Rob.