Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Art Works

How to show someone you care.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 0 comments link this post

::This isn't even a well-written or earth-shaking post, but I keep seeing how people just have a need for someone to care, to listen, and I absolutely had to write this.::

I should think this would be obvious.

The way to express meaning and value is to figure out what the currency is, what is valuable, and extol that upon someone.

What is valued in this society, in this age, is time.

Information isn't the currency; time is. Strip away everything that distracts and coats the surface and we are left with time, in time.

The lie of convenience is that it will free up time when in truth, it steals it. Everything is about the lie of convenience, from food, to machines and devices, to service. The self-help section of the bookstore and what is spewed from the television has its role in the lie, telling us how to make time for yourself, how to spend less time in a way that suggests it is "quality time."

Time is unique in that the quality vs. quantity theory doesn't play out as well. Time is precious and quantity shouts loud and clear. Quality time is like a visit to the confessional booth at lunch break. With time, quality and quantity are closely related; they are not "versus" each other. Quality time is quantity time.

So, how do you show someone you care about them? Spend your time on them, however that might translate out.

Send a letter instead of buying a convenient card and signing your name below the sentiment already inside. Make something that takes time to make and give it to a person with no strings attached, just because. It says "this was time I spent thinking of you for you." Give up your plans and do something with or for someone else. Sit down and let them talk to you even and listen.

Spend your time, not your money. Don't throw money at a person, don't just toss a few words their way saying "I care" without backing it up. Words are cheap and money is easy. It is our time, which comes with an understood attachment of energy and focus and a literal passing of life, that is difficult to share.

If it's fast, if it's easy, if it's convenient for you, it doesn't count. It doesn't show you care; it shows you care just enough as long as it fits into your plans. It speaks loudly and clearly that you care as long as it doesn't require anything hard of you. People can tell; if there's anything that's come from this fast, convenient and cheap society, it's an ability to recognize bulls**t.

People are desperate to be wanted -- to matter, to know someone cares specifically about them -- and the more time-saving life becomes, the less time, ironically, we actually spend on people. If there was anything you should spend time on, it is on other people. Just pick someone and decide you're going to let them know you care about them. Don't wait for a crisis. Just pick someone now and write a letter or take them out for lunch or sit down and let them talk and not interrupt!

It isn't easy. If it were, it wouldn't need to be mentioned. Showing someone you care is hard work and a conscious decision, and more than just a pat on the shoulder as you walk out the door.

Of course, some people believe they should care more about themselves and their own rather than about other people. You have to be interested in showing another person you care before you can even begin to decide how to go about doing so.

You want people to care about you? Then care about other people. People flock to someone who will listen, who will spend their time and really care. They are hungry for it.