The dawn of a new era.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 3 comments link this post
Vintage and new. Getting along.
I have a huge book called Analog, which is a fabulous collection of SciFi stories.
I also have a huge cell phone that is analog. I accidentally left it in Managua.
You might think it was purposeful, once you see a picture of the phone, but I assure you, that was not the case. I needed that phone at the Atlanta airport where airport officials have seen fit to not allow credit cards to be used in the pay phones but instead force you to buy cards with minutes on them which use up $2.50 worth of minutes just by placing the initial phone call into the system thereby creating panic when you are trying to find a place to stay once you get to Minneapolis and plans are falling through and the disembodied voice of Satan says you only have 30 seconds left and your cell phone is in Managua and there's a pretty good chance there won't be anyone to pick you up at the airport.
In 2000, during a summer road trip with Naomi and Sabine during which we traveled from the Canadian border down to Mexico and fought like rabid dogs most of the time and also had a frightening scorpion incident outside the alien museum in Roswell, New Mexico, Naomi bent the antennae on my phone.
Yes, Naomi, you did. I wrote it in my journal:
"...and then Naomi, who didn't have a place lined up for us to stay in Denver like she said she did, bent my phone antennae! Aaargh!"
One weekend a few years ago I lent my cell phone to my mother in a moment of good will when her ginormous bag-phone wasn't working. She returned from the weekend of festivities with my phone missing the cap on the antennae. This meant my phone began a long and colorful history of snagging the inside of my purse or coat. Dad tried to fix it by attaching a large, yellow plastic end-cap that was probably originally intended for something on a combine or space shuttle. I assume it was for this because the end-cap promptly failed, fell off, and did not work. This sounds like the inner workings of a combine or space shuttle.
Last fall, during the Bob Dylan concert weekend, I got out of my Jeep and dropped the phone in a parking lot. The phone no longer made a sound after that, meaning I couldn't hear if anyone was calling me because there would be no ring. This occurred in the parking lot of the Hobby Lobby, which led me to develop a complex theory on the dangers of hobbies.
I didn't think this was much of a problem, this non-sound issue, seeing as how I never turned the phone on because I don't like people bothering me and also because the battery was one of those Genuine Crap Batteries made in some dungeon in Singapore that barely lasted long enough to dial an 800-number before dying. Generally speaking, my phone still functioned as I always intended it to: to call out if I went in the ditch or to let my family know I was coming or going.
I also didn't know my own cell phone number, so it was difficult for me to tell people to call me. My sister had my number on her caller ID so I would actually refer people to my sister's home phone number to ask her what my cell phone number was.
I didn't care.
But then Managua. And Atlanta. And a letter from Alltel that pointed out we had some "older" phones that wouldn't work with the new 911 system.
I went on eBay to buy a cheap cell phone because I decided I'd get into one of those pay-per-minute plans from Alltel since I can't commit to a contract and never use my cell phone enough to warrant a bunch of money per month. I'd decided to go the eBay route because the cheapest phone Alltel had was $130 which happened to be about $100 more than I wanted to spend.
I got a phone off of eBay for $30. It has a bunch of features that I will not use because frankly, a phone should call out and get calls in and not do other things like walking dogs or serving as a Star Trek phaser or whatever else it is they do now. Mike, who had lost his cell phone in a snow bank and elicited many insults from me over that, bought his replacement phone off of eBay, and that is what gave me the idea. Tonight, as he and Colleen attempted to talk to me through hisses and crackling, he informed me that maybe his "new" phone wasn't so new and that maybe the seller on eBay had lied.
eBay, I told him, is synonymous with liar. I think there are also some ancient Greek and Hebrew meanings there but I just don't have the time to delve into it.
My new phone was waiting for me on Saturday when I got home from Bismarck, as was my vintage phone that had been mailed back to me by Cecil, who is now home from Nicaragua and in Indiana.
I mailed your phone. You need to treasure it like an antique, Cecil said in an email.
Tomorrow I will attempt to activate my new eBay phone at Alltel and get on a pay-per-minute plan. I am aware things may go badly at Alltel and I could find my new phone functioning as a $30 paper weight and still making use of my old phone. I don't find this to be a tremendous loss, considering that my old phone is silent and that the world could do with less ringtones that condense Ravel's fifteen-minute Bolero into a thirty-second digitized monstrosity.
I will also attempt, should all things go according to plan, to remember my number, though I will certainly email it to my sister in Grand Forks so she can remain my reference for people who want my number.
I will be emailing her my new cell phone number because I am too cheap to use the phone and call her. I don't want to have to pay for those minutes.
Labels: humor, my life, technology
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 3/25/2007 08:26:00 PM
Like this post? Subscribe to the feed.
Help support this site.
Facebook |
Stumble It! |
Del.icio.us |
DiggIt! |
Technorati |
Blinklist |
Furl |
reddit |
Newsvine
3 Comments:
Julie:
There is an easier way, you know. I has a freind give me a tracfone, and by buying minutes online, you get a not too bad rate, especially if you are going to use it as little as you have in the past. If Altell doesn't work out, try tracfone. You can even get one online or at the great Satan of merchandizing: Walmart
By 
Will, at
25/3/07 22:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . so I bent the antennae. Sorry.
But I DID have a place lined up for us in Denver. Unfortunately with a rather unreliable source.
I like to think of that as preparation for Atlanta. You can thank me later.
n.
By , at
26/3/07 09:47
Yes, and that's why we ended up staying in Longmont.
LONGMONT.
Longmont, Colorado: Truckers paradise.
Because your source fell through!!!
(Excellent training for Atlanta. I agree.)
By 
Julie, at
26/3/07 10:24
