Gwyneth Paltrow is an idiot.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 5 comments link this postWary of turning this into a fluff blog, more than it already is, I try not to post on celebrity gossip garbage. I've reached the living end with Mrs. Coldplay, however.
Mrs. Martin has a prejudice against Americans, helping to support my earlier assertation that everyone has a prejudice lurking in them. Mrs. Shakespeare-in-Love's faux English intelligence has grated on my nerves for years, finally snapping them today.
Let's have a look.
The final straw is her most recent statement that British people are more intelligent than Americans. In her case, this may be true. For example, the British people I saw wasted in the German pub in Hamburg, the ones in dire need of deodorant and hollering obscenities at a TV during a soccer match, really are more intelligent than Mrs. Sky Captain, an American herself.
Oscar-winning US actress Gwyneth Paltrow feels dinner talk is far more interesting in her adopted homeland Britain than back in her native country.
"I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner."
When we eat dinner, like 98 percent of the rest of America, we don't talk much. We just belch. Every once in a while, between masticating and belching, we discuss the Chicago Bears. That's football, right?
"I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans," the 34-year-old added.Could one of you other stupid Americans explain the first sentence of her quote? I can't make sense of it. I really can't. How does one fit into any side of some purported nationalized psychology?
Perhaps if Mrs. Headless Seven hung around all dregs of American and English society, she'd see a comparable equality. Not everyone in Britain attends Oxford and wears an ascot. There are plenty of skeezy skanks of all shapes, sizes, ages and genders. She just hasn't invited any of them to her paper-slipper, rice cakes and Sylvia Plath parties yet.
After the bombings of the Tube in London, Mrs. Emma Woodhouse complimented the British on their resilience and compared them favorably to what she deemed was the over-reaction of Americans when the World Trade Center was bombed.
"I find the English amazing how they got over 7/7. There were no multiple memorials with people sobbing as they would have been in America. There, they are constantly scaring people but at the same time, people think nothing of going to see a therapist."
Yes, the two incidents are eminently comparable, both in magnitude, target, visibility and death toll. And speaking of slobbering over worthy national events, how about the freak-out and cheesy Elton John song for a pampered princess who did little more than starve herself and look good in a skirt? Mother Teresa died the same time, and the nation of Britain agonized, cried on TV, and bought nearly all the flowers available to the free world to lay in front of a gate for Princess Di. There's a country of kahunas and rationality if I've ever seen one.
This isn't the first time she's shoved her foot in her mouth and proven her own argument about select stupid Americans. After criticizing the weather in the UK she compensated by again emphasizing the intelligence and civilization across the pond. Not only is she making her country of birth hate her, but she's irritating the civilized locals. Mrs. Shallow Hal needs to stop talking and step away from the microphone.
Anyone woman who names her child after fruit is suspect. Any white woman from America who insults Americans while pretending to be British while also claiming to be African is suspect. Any woman who calls in the Kabbalah squad because she thinks her house is haunted is suspect. Any woman that intimidates Angelina Jolie is suspect.
I think I know who A Perfect Murder victim would be. Hush. Don't tell anyone of my Great Expectations.
(pause)
Yes, that last paragraph was a pretty bad use of puns and Mrs. Coldfish movie titles. What can you expect? I'm a stupid American.
UPDATE: Perhaps she's had a change of heart.
| tag: gwyneth paltrow |
Labels: celebrities
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 12/02/2006 11:56:00 AM
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5 Comments:
Not everyone in Britain attends Oxford and wears an ascot.
Are you serious? I demand that you produce empirical to support this foolish statement.
There are plenty of skeezy skanks of all shapes, sizes, ages and genders.
Yes, but most of them are tourists.
By 
, at
2/12/06 16:22
This blog is BLOODY hilarious!
Gwyneth has appeared in some of my fave films (The Royal Tenenbaums and Seven) but whenever she attempts to pull off an English accent she just pisses me off.
Thanks for sharing this. Since I don't keep up with celebrity news/gossip (at least I try really hard not to.. somethings you can't escape), I had no idea GP was such a moron.
By Bon, at
2/12/06 20:32
DAY-UM, Julie -- that was satisfyingly delicious to read!
What an idiot.
By 
david, at
2/12/06 22:48
I saw the headline on Drudge and couldn't be bothered to read the whole story.
If you'll forgive the gross generalization, I find that people who make unfounded gross generalizations like Apple's mom usually can't tell their posteriors from a severed head in a box. You can't trust anything they say, so why pay any attention to them at all?
If only Gwyneth's mom had caught that subway train instead of letting the doors close, she might have been born in jolly old England. Her (and our) loss.
It's helpful to remember that the Hollywood celebrities who are enamored of their own silly pronouncements are just grown-up versions of the angst-driven drama club poseurs from high school that everyone from the homecoming queen to the band geeks detested.
By Dan Lovejoy, at
3/12/06 00:14
God save the Queen!
By , at
5/12/06 07:20
