Julie R. Neidlinger: Lone Prairie Blog

I got a 64 percent one time.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger 7 comments link this post

HAMPDEN, N.DAK. -- It came as no surprise, but it was revealed today that Julie R. Neidlinger is not smart.

This is not tabloid journalism.

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This weekend someone asked me if my brother was as smart as me. I jokingly answered that he was far smarter, a genius. That wasn't a joke. He is smart. A whiz at math and all things related to smart.

It was the "as smart as me" part of the question that bothered me. Where did that come from and what was I supposed to do with that? There's no going higher than smart. Only the let down of doing something stupid.

I'm not smart. That's all an illusion. I use words with extra syllables and know when to shut my mouth the rest of the time. If you don't say anything, people think you're smart. Answer questions with questions -- that helps, too.

That's my secret. I've told you.

I got a 64% on a calculus test in college once. I panic at the sight of forms with small print and can't even comprehend the legalese. When I'm driving with a friend in the car, I stop at green lights and go at red. I don't know how to make people want to be around me. I've gotten a couple of overdrafts on my checking account balance before, for bad math's sake. I don't understand a thing about cars. Easy things like making the hot water heater work by pressing the reset button and fixing the water purifier on the kitchen sink elude me. I have never been able to understand football and what the downs are all about. I secretly have a scattered knowledge of important historical events and scramble to fill in the blanks to answer coherently when asked.

An illusion. I would like to shed any misconception that anyone may have that I am of superior intelligence. I am not. Smart is such a crazy misconception. The idea of smart is stupid.

Of course, if you think I'm an idiot, you may be right but I'll still want to offer you a beat-down at a discount rate for saying it to my face.

So in case you were otherwise confused, this is not the blog of a smart person, though I can change a lightbulb and did graduate from college.

Do you think you're smart? I think this guy is smart; every time I visit his blog I wonder why he even keeps me on his blog roll as I cry inwardly at my shallow and incomprehensive writing. I don't know if he considers himself smart or not.

Thinking you're smart is a bad idea. Because thinking that you're pretty smart usually comes right before you rear-end the car in front of you, before you use powdered sugar instead of flour in your baking, or you authorize, due to a persuasive email, a wire transfer of 64 percent of your life savings to Nigeria.

There's something magic about 64 percent.

Labels: my life

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7 Comments:

I've rear-ended two cars in my career.

By girlfriday, at 31/10/06 01:55

Oh dear, GF.

It sounds like you're in the 64 percent club, just like me.

By Julie, at 31/10/06 09:40

By the way, the "powdered sugar/flour" mistake was all mine, all mine.

They are both white, you know.

By Julie, at 31/10/06 09:47

I would have broken several laws (misdemeanor only, of course) to achieve a 64 in college-level calculus.

But I was smart enough to learn from that experience that science was not the optimal career path for me.

By Eric, at 31/10/06 09:55

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Besides one's grade on a calculus test is indicative of nothing as far as I am concerned. If you are like me, I have plenty of book smarts, as my mother used to call them, but as she also stated on more than one occasion, "You don't have the sense that God gave a goose." By which she meant (I believe), I lack a degree of common sense. I'll have to look up the origin of that phrase and see if means what I think it does. Come and see me at my blog to see if I find the answer.

By Will Humes, at 31/10/06 17:06