Interview: Experiencing a Julie phone call and the worst interview ever.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 5 comments link this post
::Interview with Naomi Damschen, probable friend of Julie Neidlinger. Frequent recipient and therefore expert in phone calls from Julie. The interview quickly devolves into I'm not sure what. Naomi was sitting beside me as I typed while both talked. This is a very accurate conversational record. Sadly. Two college graduates, and this is what we came up with.::
People don't call me much. Let's find out why. And let's watch me lose 50 percent of my blog readership.
Q: Tell me about some of the funny remembrances from past answering machine moments.
A: (Laughing.) (Laughing some more.) OK. I think...I think you called me from work one day. And obviously left a message because no one was home. I can't remember exactly what the message was, but it was something like 'Uh, uh, hey Nome. Uh, this is Julie. And, I guess, we're...not gonna go on that trip. So, I guess, uh, I can go to Fargo if you still want to... do that. So, do you want to go to Fargo, then?' (Laughing.) Uh, so, I guess, just, yeah. Call me. And let me know.' You say "uh" a lot. I remember this was funny because you ask me a question and I can't answer, like you realized you asked a question and then realized it was on a machine and no one could answer.
Q. Please relay a recent funny live phone call in which Julie intended it to be a serious phone call and not a joke.
A. OK, this one will be hard because there's so many tones and sound effects that I can't describe. But I'll try.
Today, the phone rings, and I see that it's the Neidlingers on the caller ID. So I say "hello?" and I hear the quiet, semi-hesitant voice of Julie.
"Nome?"
"Yeah?"
"Uh, uh, oh no!" Terrified voice now, saying, "Oh, oh, my gosh, there is a huge spider! Mom! Mom!" Then you direct it back to me for a nanosecond. "Oh, sorry, sorry Nome, I didn't call -- oh, oh no! Another one!...THERE IS A HUGE SPIDER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALL! Mom! Mom, do you see that spider?! Oh, Nome, I'm sorry, I called to -- Oh no! Mom! Mom! Oh my gosh, she just killed it with her bare hands and she's making supper -- you better wash your hands! Uh, OK, sorry Nome."
So then you started telling me that Sabine sent some stuff back from Germany for us. But then that was interrupted by a whole different mood. We're no longer terrified, but now we're in the baby talk about salamanders.
"Oooh! Oooh! The little salamander -- it's so cute! Oh it's walking down the driveway!"
I think you were trying to get back to normal conversation but it was like the salamanders were definitely dominating. And then you saw a second salamander.
"Ooooh! There's another one! Mom, the salamanders are coming out! They are so cute! Oh, Nome, I really didn't call you to tell you about the salamanders, but this one's really a cute one! It's all black and shiny and stuff. Oooh! There's another one!" And that's all I can remember.
Q. Do you find it disconcerting to have a conversation like this?
A. No. I'm glad you feel comfortable to just go on with whatever is going on here. I remember that one time when I called you and I think you blogged about that, when you answered and I said "Hi Julie" and there was another call -- someone I had been trying to get a hold of for a long time -- "Can you hold on for a second?" I think you blogged about that. I don't mind getting calls like this; at least you call.
Q. Do you think people might be surprised to find out how ineloquent I am on the phone versus my skillfully worded and carefully selected prose on this blog?
A. Yeah. I think they might be.
Q. That's a really lame answer. Please continue. I have a reputation here, Naomi. Say something more than 'Yeah, I think they might be.'
A. It's a lot of pressure. Um. Well, don't type um. That's not going to help your reputation at all. Or mine.
Q. Do you realize how stupid this blog post is?
A. Can I give a simple answer or do you want me to --
Q. I'm asking the questions here.
A. "I'm the owner!"
Q. If you want the cat, you can have him. I'd recommend diapers.
A. I'm sorry, was that a question?
Q. And this is why no one calls you.
A. (Points out a typo.)
Q. You suck.
A. (Laughing herself sick.) I love how the Q & A has become completely irrelevant. (Points at something and TOUCHES THE SCREEN.)
Q. DON'T TOUCH THE SCREEN!
A. (Laughing along with me.) Ohmigosh.
Q. So.
A. Well, I s'pose.*
Q. Any news?**
A. Well at least you're asking questions again.
Q. Would you call this an interview or more like a drive by IM without the benefit of distance and anything else that would actually qualify it as an IM? Because I'm confused as to what this is.
A. (Pausing. pausing. pausing. pausing.) I'm thinking.
Q. OK.
A. (Pause.)
Q. Why did you touch my screen?
A. (No answer.)
Q. I let you sit on my bed.
A. I was just going to say, the same reason I sat on your bed. Your sacred bed.
Q. Are you mocking my phobia of having people sit on my bed?
A. Yes.
Q. Well. I'm the owner. Of the bed. And the cat.
A. (Raises her eyebrows.)
Q. What are your thoughts on jello?
A. Why do you look at me when you're typing the question?
Q. Does it creep you out that I look at you out of the corner of my eye? And still type acuratelly...oops.
A. (Laughing.) Would you like to point out that you just snorted?
Q. No.
A. (Laughing, tipping back in chair.)
Q. This is like a podcast but without the sound. Do you think this would be a funnier exchange if people could hear us?
A. Possibly, if they could hear us. But I'm really glad they can't see us.
Q. Why?
A. (Pause.) Hmm.
Q. My fingers hurt.
A. My stomach hurts.
Q. My head hurts.
A. (Laughing.) Q & A...I love it.
Q. I win.
A. Let's have some cookies and watch a movie.
Q. What movie?
A. Anything.
(We leave.)
-----
*The way people from North Dakota, having nothing else to say or are wanting to, casually and within acceptable parameters announce their intention of leaving without hurting anyone's feelings. It is an implied "Well, I suppose that it is time for us to go now."
**The standard Neidlinger-Damschen greeting, any time, any place, even if you've just been talking to the person for five hours. There's always room for the question "any news?"
----
Proof that the spoken word is seldom as erudite as the written word. True dat.
Labels: friends, interviews, my life
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 8/24/2006 09:28:00 PM
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5 Comments:
Girls just wanna have fun, they just-a-wanna, they just-a-wanna...
By 
, at
25/8/06 09:43
OK . . . remember when I said that it seems like salamanders can usually burrow down into the grass and not get killed by the mower?
Well, I was wrong.
At least two salamanders went down today while I was mowing. I felt bad.
-nome
By , at
25/8/06 20:45
You should feel bad. No forgiveness for you. i.e. "This trip/friendship is over!"*
*a private joke between Nome and myself
By 
Julie, at
25/8/06 20:52
huh?
By Nodak Jack, at
26/8/06 05:53
Exactly my point, Jack.
By Julie, at
26/8/06 07:52
