An art major gives some engineering advice.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 12 comments link this post::In the tradition of me writing letters that I don't send, such as the internet classic to my health insurance company that comes up first in a Google search on "Blue Cross Blue Shield sucks", I devote this letter to the DaimlerChrysler Corporation.::
Dear Illiterate DaimlerChrysler Engineers,
I wish you could read, because this letter would have greater value.
Thanks to your ingenious design, I now not only have to regularly check the oil in my Chrysler vehicle, but also have to check the mousetraps. While most people carry things like tire irons and roadside assistance kits, I find the need to joyfully add small traps used to kill tiny animals. This is sure handy.
In looking through your owner's manual I see that I missed the section on how to correctly lay out the welcome mat for mice. I missed it partially because you neglected to include it. I'm sure you will correct this oversight in the future.
Speaking of additions and oversights in catalogued material, I would recommend including an extra section to your Mopar catalogue detailing a number of breeds of mouser cats and how to care for them. When being overrun by mice, I believe Chrysler vehicle owners will find this a more useful accessory than the Ram head taillight covers.
I admit to being amazed with all of the safety features and entertainment systems you now see fit offer in vehicles. How glorious to not only watch Stuart Little on a DVD player, but to have him run across your lap. It is unfortunate that you have decided to neglect some kind of simple device - perhaps a screen, which is a complex mesh of wires - that would keep rodents out of the ventilation system. Though the first time I turned the air conditioning on and bits of fluff and other nesting materials blew out was almost fun, like confetti at a party, the time since has proven to be filled with less hilarity. Perhaps you might consider, should you insist on neglecting a way to keep mice out of the ventilation system, a recording from a sexy-voiced CDC woman which could give a kind of Hanta virus weather report. For example, the next time I find myself in sweltering 90+ heat and turn on the air conditioning, I could, amidst the fluff and smell, hear the soothing promise that today only looked like a 30 percent chance of Hanta.
Perhaps your engineers are in league with men like Keith (or was it Kevin?) at Corwin Motors in Fargo who, during my college years when the mice brigade moved into my Chrysler LeBaron convertible, saw fit to stare at my chest while handing me a large bill for the strip down of the vents and removal of a mouse corpse, asking me if there was "anything else I needed fixin'." Nothing makes a girl feel special like the smell of Lysol flowing out of the vent system for two weeks and the memory of Keith/Kevin ogling the goodies.
Our living sofa is quite ugly and clashes with the equally hideous carpeting on which it sits. Though I have yet to figure out how you're at fault for this travesty, give me time. I have no doubt of the connection.
Sincerely,
NOTE: Dad cleaned out my vents. I know nothing about cars. Thanks, Dad.
Labels: humor
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 8/04/2006 12:03:00 AM
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12 Comments:
Just be glad your dad isn't cleaning guano out of the vehicle...I think the probable comment from Robin would be..."HOLY BATSHIT, BATMAN!!"
By 
, at
4/8/06 00:26
My parents' former vehicle, a Chrysler product, was once found to have the ventilation system packed full of pounds of pecans. (They live in the country.)
More recently in my own vehicle, I heard an awful racket when I turned on the A/C fan. Two days later, a horrible stench poured from the vents. After removing part of the dash I finally located a pulverized fermenting mouse carcass (and associated juices) in the squirrel cage fan.
I'm guessing that Chrysler can't see justifying the cost of a simple screen or mouse excluder on all their vehicles just to satisfy a small segment of their customers (I'm assuming rural vehicle owners are a small segment). For some reason, city mice don't seem very interested in nesting in vehicles.
By , at
4/8/06 05:58
Cacophony
By , at
4/8/06 08:07
Maybe Dad can install a screen for you?
Oddly, the fan controls on both my Caravan and my Wrangler have seen fit to only work on certain settings. The van only runs on 3 and the Jeep only runs on 2, 3, and 5.
I find their vehicles to 'fit' me better than other brands as they are doing a good job at ergomonics, but they do have annoying eccentricites.
Such as the one where you take your car in because the plastic heater/AC control breaks off the post on the dashboard and they confess it is a known defect and charge you for the replacement and remind you that warrenty only covers power train. Excuse me, doesn't ETHICS cover known defects? Shouldn't the inconvenience of having to drive over to GET the new knob that they know was defective be cost enough?
Thanks for giving them a lashing and letting ME vent!!
By 
karma, at
4/8/06 09:31
Juli:
In the 1980's I made the mistake of buying a Dodge Charger and Dodge Omni. They both had this little thing with when the car was turned off the fan kept blowing. On both cars at 85,000 miles the fans just kept going and going and going until the battery drained. I have not bought a Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep product since.
By , at
4/8/06 11:45
"Goodies" indeed.
(I bet this isn't posted.)
By , at
6/8/06 08:58
How much did you bet?
By Julie, at
6/8/06 14:38
I use those dryer fabric softner sheets and put them in my RV when I store it for winter. I put moth balls around the tires too. Mice hate em! I have never had mouse problems so it must keep them out!
By , at
7/8/06 15:39
I bet nothing. It was rhetorical in nature. Sigh. You got me. I'm the one...
I tried to be anonymous...but, I'm a professional non-anonymous person.
Now, where were we?
By Nodak Jack, at
7/8/06 20:32
The jig is up.
(I've always wanted to use that phrase.)
Mugger. Ha.
By Julie, at
7/8/06 21:32
Of Mice and Men and my Miceler Town and Country.
I have a '98 T and C and there is a laminated fiberglass panel that became unglued in the engine compartment under the cowl. My concern was that engine fumes (or flames in the case of a fire) would get sucked into the HVAC system because the panel is what seals the engine compatment from the cowl's air intake for the HVAC. Sure enough, fumes do enter. But what is worse is that the mice have also found the opening. Right now, there are no bad odors. However, when the blower is on high, I don't get a lot of air flowing from the vents...the heater core must be clogged with nesting materials. The next thing that happens is that the blower motor overheats and then gives off an electrical burning smell. Finally, the circuit breaker kicks in. I'll have to keep the blower speed on low for the rest of the winter. This sounds like a project for the spring.
Beware the mice of March..."et tu, Mickie?"
By , at
26/12/06 12:59
Chrysler products aren't the only ones with problems. I live in a rural area in New England and have spent over a thousand dollars in "mice remediation." I had the same problem you described with mice in the heater fan. Unfortunately, I am now facing a long and unfortunate series of medications because I did not know that you can get Lyme disease from the white-footed mouse--which is the variety that keeps haunting me. I have tried mothballs, spraying the entire engine compartment with Febreze, tying dozens of fabric softener sheets around anything I could tie them to, all with no success. My husband asked the dealership to install some kind of screen to keep them out, but since he was not allowed to stand and watch them do it, we doubt if they actually did. I am now considering building a garage and buying a couple of grown cats from the pound to keep in the garage. I don't know of anything else that would work.
By Donna Fitts, at
8/10/08 17:02
