No such thing as dream lives.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 2 comments link this postJust a few months ago, a young man asked me what I did for a living. That is the dreaded question, the one in which I have no ready answer, but I tried to explain my life as best I could, tried to define the "job" part and not the "life" part even though they are both severely intertwined in my case.
"Oh, that's my dream life," he said when I finished summing it all up. "You're so lucky."
There are no dream lives, I wanted to tell him. There are only other paths, different than the one we're on and seemingly much greener for the simple reason that we aren't living them and don't know what they are really like. The office worker has a list of pros and cons, just as I have a list of pros and cons. My pros are the complement to his cons and vice versa. It's really that simple.
Sure, I don't have a boss (except one day a week). I don't have a set time to get up and get ready for work, nor do I have a commute or office politics to deal with. I can wear whatever I want during the day, wander downstairs to the kitchen any time I feel like it, or head out the door for a walk when I need to take a break from the computer. I can take an hour lunch break or a half-day lunch break. I can go see a movie matinee just because I can, whenever I want to. I'm available to help in various volunteer activities because I don't have the 9-to-5 block of my day taken up. I don't have to wear pantyhose (and that's a big one for me). On a very good day, I turn my computer on in the morning and have an art order waiting, or maybe a graphic design project or two needing to be done for a customer. I have time to paint and draw, and make all of the other stuff I sell. I have time to read and write. I can stay up late and get up late or go to bed early and get up early. I can take a vacation pretty much whenever I want. I can surf the web and check my email throughout the day and not feel guilty for doing it my boss's time. I live in a quiet, beautiful rural area with very few distractions. I can draw inspiration for my art and writing from the natural surroundings. I have lots of quiet and time in which to think and contemplate during all hours of the day. If the weather is beautiful I can sit outside and read and write and not be in a building, looking out the window and wishing.
But I also don't have the promise of any regular money coming in. Each month is a guess as to if I'll even break even. I have to motivate myself, and I can't get lazy and not have direction or things lined up to do because it isn't like a job where, as long as you're on the clock, you make money. I am one nap away from serious failure. I only reap very directly what I sow. I have to come up with an idea, make and create, market it, find a buyer, and convince them to buy. And I have to do this while simultaneously starting the process for another project, juggling the two different projects at two different stages. I work lots of odd jobs, and become known as willing to do just about anything for a few bucks to tide myself over. I pay for my own health insurance. When things are in a slump, there's no one to blame but me. I can't relax at home because home is where I work and since there is always something I could be doing my life at home is one of being at work 24/7; I have guilt if I'm not working all the time, leaving many days without real joy. There is no leaving the office at 5 and having specific, delineated time that is not work. I don't have the benefit of varied human contact daily and start to live inside my head to much. Even though I can vacation any time I want, I have to have the money first. And that glorious outdoors that beckons for walks and breaks can benefit me greatly in every possible way except that it will never bring any money in. I never know what the next month will bring and am in no way ever fooled into thinking I belong in a Destiny's Child "Independent Woman" song in which I control the reins to absolutely everything in my life. I see very clearly how my "independence" is really just a kind of "freedom in dependence" on God. The smallest bit of money that comes in is a miracle. I have the income that justifies near nervous breakdowns when I lose a ten dollar bill.
I have it all. I have it all, in both pros and cons. And my least productive, unhappiest moments are those when I'm wishing I had someone else's life. There is nothing wrong with making changes and pursuing an education or career dream. The problem is one of seeing what you don't have with puposeful ignorance and choosing to believe that lie.
Don't ever fool yourself into thinking a dream life will save you and make you happy if only you could trade up what you have. There is no dream life; there are career changes and life changes, but no perfection on this side of life. There's you and what you do with what you are dealt.
That is what I ought to have said to that young man.
Labels: essay
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 7/10/2006 02:54:00 PM
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2 Comments:
As someone who often talks about wanting your dream job, I can also understand and appreciate the cons. You portrayed both sides beautifully, as usual.
I admire your work and have finally gotten around to adding you to my blogroll.
By 
Gwynne, at
10/7/06 16:42
Julie: "That is what I ought to have said to that young man."
This posting was a good example of why I like your writing. It's very honest and direct. And, true, there are no "dream lives".
But, paradoxically, dreams do matter.
By Oengus Moonbones, at
10/7/06 19:39
