A SciFi channel movie script template.

written by Julie R. Neidlinger      6 comments      link this post     



Where would TV be without B-grade SciFi channel creature movies?

Something is always escaping from the lab. Some idiot is always awakening an ancient evil. Aliens are always trying to kill us. Bugs, dinosaurs, monster fish, giant killer crocs, angry mummies and Native American spirits - we're their lunch.

::Lunch is a funny-sounding word. Lunch. Lunch.::

For those of you who would like to try your hand at script writing and earn huge bucks and recognition as a screenwriter, I've decided to help you out. I'm providing a quick and easy template for writing just such a script.

You must have the following characters:

• Hot chick that's an expert at whatever is loose (marine biologist, historian, etc.); dress her in a tank top and another shirt so that, during the climactic escape/chase scene, she can snag her outer shirt on a tree branch and end up in just her tank top and look even hotter
  
• Hot guy who has an antagonistic reaction to the hot chick at first but ends up with her in the end; think sheriff, military, loner outsider, ace pilot, etc.
• Disposable black guy (I'm not racist; whoever makes the movies in Hollywood always kills the black guy. Talk to them.)
• Stupid hick or arrogant bad guy who won't believe the creature or alien is responsible for all the death and mayhem; he'll get a bloody death
• Folksy down-home guy who inevitably bites it in the end
• A couple of scientists wearing lab coats
  

Your story will start with one of the following opening scenes:

• Dumb guy accidently lets genetically engineered creature out of lab
• Someone opens or uses a cave, an abandoned well, an evil book, ancient castle, etc., or goes in search of a legendary treasure or myth, and sets the evil creature in motion

Regarding dialogue:

• Why are you worried about this? It's all about the hot chick and the monster. (Make sure she ends up in a tank top - the hot chick, not the monster.)
  

Regarding sub-plots:

• I appreciate your eagerness. It's cute. But sub-plot?
  

Regarding special effects:

• Rubber puppets
• Camera action and movement 101
• Stringy stuff that looks like gore and internal organs

And don't forget:

• Lou Diamond Phillips
• Casper Van Diem
• Bruce Boxleitner

Here's a summary of all known techniques for just such a movie in a quick, Book-a-minute bedtime version:

1. Once there was a monster that ate people and then the good-looking main character defeated it. He also got the girl.
2. That's pretty much it.
   

For two hours, you can thrill your audience with laughable spcial effects, cheesy story lines, edible characters, and no surprises whatsoever. If I were a talented web designer, I would create a website where you could throw in a few character names (like Dirk, Sheriff Brown, or Beth), click a button and have your ready-made script, just like that. But I don't have time for all that web designing. I'm too busy watching Eric Roberts in "Raptor" and laughing my head off. Which is far better than getting it eaten off by one of those raptors, I can tell you that.

Labels: television

Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger  3/05/2006 05:15:00 AM   (6) comments   Links to this post    

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