My name is Anonymous, and I'm Anonymous no more.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 13 comments link this post
Are you a blogger who wants to encourage comments and not require tedious registration, yet tired of those who have strong words but no strength to leave a name? Perhaps you're tired of battling the nameless demons who plague your forum or discussion board.
Welcome to my gallery of anonymous people, where those who hide behind anonymity when posting on forums or other people's blogs are anonymous no more.
You may have come across a few of these in your time. At last, they are unmasked.
Anonymous #1:
This is me. I'm Anonymous and I think the good Hieronymous Bosch captured me extremely well.
Yep.
I'm a bottom feeder in hell and you're right. That's pretty disgusting.
Yep, I leave comments on forums and on people's blogs that are argumentative and baiting, all the while I am unable to form a coherent sentence because I'm too busy eating the offal of my life.
And yes. That's a kettle on my head. A cauldron, to be more exact. It keeps the alien rays from frying my delicate moonbat brain.
Not sure what I am, whether I'm a bird or rat or carnivore?
I don't know what I am either, but since I have access to the internet I think my opinion is important and I'm going to spew it all over your web site.
Let me leave something stupid an ill thought-out on your site, and then I'll get back to my offal eating.
I think my points are valid and important but I'm just too busy being abstract and theoretical to leave anything identifiable in which to attribute those ideas. On a blog with moderated comments, I'm the one whose comments you never see.
Anonymous #2:
Sieg Heil!
You're stupid!
I disagree with you and everything you stand for so I'm going to call you Hitler!
Even though I'm secretly Hitler!
You're Hitler!
Everything you do is Hitler!
You're the Hitler of Hitlers!
Everything and everyone can be compared to Hitler, and is Hitler! That way I can water down how awful and diabolical Hitler really was and I can be the Hitler I am when I call you Hitler!
You're Hitler!
Where's your jackboots!
You disagree with me?
That's because you're Hitler!
There is no situation where a Hitler comparison can't be used, whether it be choice of soup or if you buy the Dixie Chicks latest album or not. You're Hitler! You Nazi!
I think my points are valid and important but I'm just too busy combing my mustache to leave anything identifiable in which to attribute those ideas. On a blog with moderated comments, I'm the one whose comments you never see.
Anonymous #3:
I disagree with you and so therefore it is impossible that you are anything but a fascist.
That's right.
And of course it's right, coming from me.
If you so much as tell me or anyone else that something I or they might be doing is wrong then you are a fascist.
Yes, you are the fascist while I, the fascist, am not the fascist.
I, too, water down fascism (see Anonymous #2 above) making it a fun and barbed adjective all the while secretly harboring fascist tendencies myself.
You may have heard some of my number one hit singles, including:
You fascist pig!
You Christofascist!
What are you, some conservative fascist?!
You fascist pig II!
You fascist pig III!
You fascist pig IV! (that's a popular one)
I think my points are valid and important but I'm just too much of a weenie to leave anything identifiable in which to attribute those ideas. I'm too busy guarding other fascists from being identified as fascists by calling non-fascists fascists. On a blog with moderated comments, I'm the one whose comments you never see.
Anonymous #4
It looks like I might be a butt-kisser.
Hieronymous strikes again.
Anonymous #5
We all know what kind of loser I am, and what I'll do with bottle rockets, toy cars and just about anything else insertable.
What can I say.
I'm a jacka**. I can't help myself.
Try to have a serious discussion with me?
Ha!
I'll just shove all of your valid points you-know-where, light it on fire, and see what happens.
Want to engage me in thoughtful conversation?
Ha!
If it isn't too big, you know where I'll put that.
What the heck.
Just hit me in the head with a shopping cart or a midget and don't waste my time with head-numbing things like words with more than one syllable and the possibility that there are ideas other than mine out there.
Basically, just hit me. I can't spell anything, anyway, and I have yet to locate the "shift" key on my keyboard.
It's amazing I figured out how to turn the computer on.
Anonymous #6:
No, there's no error. There's no photo. Things just slipped my mind.
Basically, I just forgot to put my name.
Or I didn't have a blogger account and didn't want to mess with that or didn't understand all that nonsense and was just dying to leave a comment...
...and didn't think to leave my name. Sorry. I'll do better next time and try to leave a name.
(That's OK. Once.)
Final Note:
If you haven't yet noticed, this is a blog with moderated comments, so don't even waste your time. Left a comment but haven't seen it make it to the post yet? In complex language, that's what we call a hint.
Take one. They're free.
Labels: blogging
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 12/08/2005 01:58:00 PM
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13 Comments:
I see... you're one of these pathetic souls who has WAY too much time on their hands but is unwilling (or more likely unable) to do anything creative with it. You're deathly afraid to enter into an honest and intellegent exchange of ideas because you would thus be exposed as a person who has no ideas.
I see.
By 
, at
9/12/05 07:06
Oddly enough, I'm getting comments from "Anonymous" claiming I'm afraid of new ideas.
No.
I'm bothered by people who won't put their name to their ideas. That's all.
I love new ideas. Tell me your ideas!
Tell me your thoughts, and simply sign your name at the bottom of your comment. You don't have to register with blogger. Just sign your name. Leave your email. Something that identifies you somehow.
Yet I keep getting anonymous comments with the exact responses that I outlined here, comments that will never see the light of day on this blog. You'd be better off sending me an email directly if you want to insult me.
Of course, that would require an email address. And we can't put our name to anything, can we?
By 
Julie, at
9/12/05 11:40
For some reason, I find this article strangle hilarious.
It reminds me of a high school teacher that once said “You have a voice, use it. If you want to be unknown, don’t say anything!”
By Paul, at
9/12/05 12:05
“I see... you're one of these pathetic souls who has WAY too much time on their hands but is unwilling (or more likely unable) to do anything creative with it. You're deathly afraid to enter into an honest and intellegent exchange of ideas because you would thus be exposed as a person who has no ideas.
I see.
# posted by Anonymous : December 09, 2005 7:06 AM”
Isn’t “intelligent” spelt intelligent? I am surly not one to note others ability to spell words correctly or not, my best friend is the F7 key in word.
However, thought this was a great first post! For a person to wake up and run to a computer just to read what was posted on someone’s blog and then have the audacity to say they “have WAY too much time on their hands”
What is it that do now? What was it that you were saying? Oh yeah, you wanted to “enter into an honest and intelligent exchange of ideas”. I may be missing a few of the blocked post you have sent; however by they one I am currently looking at, you really do not have anything ‘intellengent’ to say or it may ‘expose’ the person you really are.
I am not one to defend another’s site, but your surly comment just made me do it
Paul
By Paul, at
9/12/05 13:21
I realize photo #3 is supposed to be Benito Mussolini -- but for some reason that particulr shot makes me think of The Rock.
By McGehee, at
9/12/05 14:34
That's funny! He does look like The Rock.
Good post Julie. I like the last one -- though I had to refresh the page three times before I got it. Duh.
By Jim, at
9/12/05 15:56
That's because The Rock is fascist.
And for you Christofascists, I'm talking about Peter.
By Julie, at
9/12/05 16:00
I agree heartily - I even had anonymous call rejection until my wife made me stop it. I believe the ultimate solution to spam and scams is absolute caller ID on the internet. I have never tried to hide my identity and I especially abhor cowards who hide behind their masks and spew venom.
[are you a real brunett? Is that your original nose]
By Walter E. Wallis, at
9/12/05 23:12
I love your taxonomy. The pictures are appropriate, too.
Blogs are as popular as they are largely because they're two-way vehicles. Enough trolls and feces-flingers can ruin what would otherwise be a fine hobby and a socially constructive trend. Let's see to it that it doesn't happen.
By Francis W. Porretto, at
10/12/05 05:06
Nicely done! Luckily I've never had a huge problem with trolls, anonymous or otherwise. *taps head with knuckles* Knock on wood.
By Jay Solo, at
10/12/05 09:46
I thought this post to be quite creative. In fact, you're one creative gal.
You might note that I went out and obtained a blogger profile just so's I could comment on the lone prairie.
By SgtHook, at
10/12/05 23:46
I love this post! If you got the nerve to say something, at least identify yourself in some manner. And if you are too lazy to register what use are you anyway? Oh, and by the way, I'M HITLER!! People tell me that all the time. So don't none'o'you anonymoids be stealing my schtick. Hopefully my gravatar will show here.
By 2Hotel9, at
11/12/05 11:49
Ha! Love this post! I'd love to add one to your list!
Anonymous #7:
I cant be botherd to profread! Tipos are a part of the intenret! Get over it! I want to be taken seariously, and get upset when others point out my lack of spelling capebilities, but cant be boethered to spend any time profreading or spelchecking!
By pkrm, at
11/12/05 21:10
