Two months ago, in the midst of the epic battle I’ve mentioned before, I received a late fee on my bill, which is set to auto-pay, which led me to call customer service and ask how such a thing was possible.

“It looks like we credited your account,” she said.

“Yes, because you had overcharged me previously,” I replied.

“That credit somehow made it look like you didn’t pay your full bill,” she replied. “That’s how you incurred a late fee.”

“Verizon overcharged me, credited it back, and then charged me a late fee for not paying the full over-charged amount.”

“It looks like that’s what happened.”

Ain’t it grand.

And now we start back at square one, where it always begins, with the International Text Message Ripoff.

Another bill has arrived, and Verizon sent me a text to tell me they took my money. Once again, they took too much.  Once again, they charged me as if my nephew’s text messages to his friends in South Dakota were international, and therefore 25 cents a piece. Once again, I responded.

Because this has to be the sixth or seventh time this has happened.

Dear Verizon,

1. Review my account and see if you know where this is going.
2. Look at my bill and find the international text charges yet again on the 605-xxx-xxxx phone account. These alleged texts went to exotic locations, like OTHER 605 AREA CODE NUMBERS, i.e. South Dakota.
3. Read this blog post: http://www.loneprairie.net/2011/10/verizon-international-text-messaging-ripoff/
4. Prepare for another one being written.
5. Refund my money.
6. I am also informing you I am a freelancer and I charge $40/hour. I have devoted 20 minutes to going through my bill yet again. This is lost time and income for me due to your continued half-assery. I have never charged you in the previous six or seven occurrences, but at this time, I am formally billing you for my time. Please deduct an additional $13 from my bill, since I have to do your job for you.
7. Have a nice day.

And so we go another round.

Do you know how long it takes to go through every single text message numbers of a college student to find out if the charges are bogus? A very long time.

I am willing to send them an invoice for the $13, if that helps.

Time travel to live with the dinosaurs — why is this even an issue?

This stupid world. Because we’re all jockeying for position to be taken seriously, we just have to litmus test everything, lay a standard “artistic and intellectual integrity grid as is accepted by current zeitgeist” over everything, and then start comparing from there.

You have quasi-science types quibbling over a certain grass that was in an episode which wouldn’t have been there, or the position of the moon being off by X degrees and how it should be obvious to everyone and how could the writers have been so scientifically stupid. You have people griping about the main character (a family consisting of a mom, dad, and three kids) being too Brady-Bunch, too perfect, too close, too tight-knit, too lovey-dovey. You have multitudes protesting because there’s not enough “gritty reality” and where are the gay characters and we should see this family fighting and nearly splitting up and where’s the social justice and are economic inequalities addressed and is this socialism that the colony is using because the monetary system and sustainability is doubtful and how dare humans go back in time and wreak havoc on evolution and how stupid to have such a blatantly noble set of heroes instead of angst-ridden deceptive anti-heroes because no one is that noble and on and on and on.

Good grief.

It’s a TV show. It’s SciFi. It’s people living with dinosaurs originating far in the future with technology we don’t even have. That alone should hint that things aren’t real, never mind the rabbit hole of using our current culture as a comparison for a depicted culture that exists both far, far in the future and simultaneously way, way in the past. Could we grant that in 20 years our cultural reality won’t be current anymore, either?

How dare a show provide an hour of escape from this the reality of life — mindless jobs, paying bills, disappointments, no heroes when we need them — and instead choose to show a close family wanting to work things out and showing discipline to children and sticking together at the cost of personal sacrifice. How dare a show not pack its story line with all the social garbage and drama and plots and characters that have become expected of all entertainment now, unless it is specifically categorized as children or family-friendly entertainment? One of the reasons I like the show is that all of that is missing. It’s fun, it’s escapist, there are good guys and bad guys and I know who they are, and there is a family that loves each other and will do anything for each other. Maybe that’s too 1950′s or something.

Except that alleged gritty reality — don’t even get me started on reality shows and how they have created a fake reality in people aping what they see on them — that all of these commenters are saying is lacking isn’t any more the reality than just another possibility, just another permutation of society. Would it be so wrong to create entertainment that refuses to dump everything on screen and serve it up and instead say “you know, we’re going to show you something else, so for one hour, you can relax and enjoy something without having to be constantly reminded that in your life heroes failed you, people left you, good guys don’t win, and the evil prosper. Enjoy the show. When you turn the TV off and sit in the silence, you’ll have your own gritty reality right back.”

No.

Instead people clamor for more accurate depictions of native grasses and wonder why the family is so damn happy.

Terra Nova reminds me of my dad’s Tom Swift books that I read growing up. I like that I can let myself imagine for an hour, like I used to when I was a kid reading books. Things that are vintage and nostalgic become more popular to us as we get older for a simple reason: they remind us of when we were children, a time when (for most of us) our reality wasn’t filled with the deception and destruction that came as we grew to adulthood. Why we continually watch shows about murders and adultery and cheating and how to hurt other people when we secretly want something different is confusing.

Either people grow up and can’t slip into a world of imagination (I don’t think so), they’re afraid to try, or they don’t allow themselves to because they think it would be a black mark against their intellect or credibility. I couldn’t care less if my peers think I’m silly for blatantly enjoying something for the sake of simplistic concepts. I couldn’t care less if the moon is depicted as the correct size or if all of the current cultural and social issues are correctly and equally exhibited in the plot line. If the moon were depicted as purple and the dinosaurs learned to speak Spanish, I’m pretty sure I could adjust my imagination and work with it.

I’ve no doubt that if Terra Nova isn’t canceled and is given another season (doubtful), the writers will add in all of this other stuff to bring it up (or should I say down) to the current standard so that they can maintain an audience. That’s too bad.

I see enough of reality every day. For just one hour, I want to see some dinosaurs go crazy and see the good guys win as they blast things with sonic guns.

Yep.

Because every billing cycle finds me with international text messaging charges (25 cents per message, which can really add up) from his line. Every month I have to comb through my Verizon bill and the thousands of text message numbers only to find, yet again, that they aren’t international messages but are all within South Dakota, the 605 area code. And then, every month, I have to email or call Verizon, explain the issue all over again, be assured that they are on top of it and it will be refunded on my next bill, that the issue is taken care of, and then get a follow-up email suggesting that I am eligible for a new phone upgrade as a long-time and valued Verizon client (with only a $20 processing charge for the upgrade opportunity!).

I pity the low-level employees who are sent to deal with angry customers like me, since they aren’t the ones responsible for this half-assery.

Let me tell you how this latest round went.

The latest bill is available. I see that, once again, it’s a little above what it should be. Not much, mind you, but enough for a perpetually broke penny pincher like me to take note. I use up time I don’t have to go through the bill and locate where these charges are. I see the now-usual international text messaging charges. I say a few expletives directed to Verizon. I go through several thousand of my nephew’s text numbers to find the ones denoted as “international”. I see that they are all 605 South Dakota numbers. I decide to use email to contact support since it is late at night and talking to a person directly didn’t solve the problem the last times it occurred. I fired up the Verizon website and wrote:

Once again, I have international texting chargers on my bill that SHOULD NOT be there. I have called Verizon every time this has happened, and they have credited my account the next month assuring me it won’t happen again and yet, it does. On the 605-***-**** line, there is $2.75 of international text charges. If you look at those numbers, you see that they are from SOUTH DAKOTA! They are 605 area code numbers, not international text messages! PLEASE FIX THIS SO THAT EVERY BILL THAT I GET DOESN’T REQUIRE ME TO CONTACT VERIZON SUPPORT AND HAVE IT CREDITED TO THE NEXT BILL!!!! What I want is to STOP SEEING this charge happen every month, so please fix your ridiculous system so that it stops treating 605 area code messages as if they were from another country! Also, as usual, CREDIT MY BILL ONCE AGAIN for the over-charge of $2.75.

Today, as I was walking from work, I received a call from Verizon support on my Verizon cell phone (using up my minutes, no doubt, just another cherry on this dessert) in response to my lovely email note. While the lady was calm and nice, the only thing she could offer me as a solution was to make sure that there were no 1′s in front of the numbers in the contact list on the phone in question.

“Verizon automatically adds a 1 to a number, so if you have the number in your contact list as 1 plus the area code and the number, it ends up having two 1′s and is therefore seen as an international call or text message.”

I went around and around with her; it wasn’t that I didn’t understand the concept. I just couldn’t believe that this was an issue for a company that practically micro-bills its customers into oblivion. With all their ability to track, put junk apps on phones, bill for every friggin’ thing — they couldn’t find the technology to accurately determine what was truly international and what wasn’t?! They were using something as analog as whether two 1′s might be mis-dialed into the number to make that determination? Do they have some old 386 running Windows 3.0 over in their international text message billing department, and they can’t handle the technology to make an accurate determination? They’re expanding to 4G but can’t figure out if they added an extra 1 to the number? You know what? I’m not too confident in a tech company that can’t distinguish between correctly placed 1′s and 0′s.

“Are you serious?” I asked her. “Don’t you think Verizon should maybe find a better solution? How many people out there don’t realize this and are getting charged?! How many people still think in terms of the old phone system and put a 1 in front of what they think are long-distance numbers in their contact list?”

All she could say was that it wasn’t an uncommon problem, and that the only solution was that the customer had to let Verizon know and they were happy to credit the bill. I told her she had better tell her manager and billing techs and whoever else that could do something about it that that was a shitty solution to what was admitted, by Verizon, to be a common problem. A common problem with Verizon benefitting financially from it.

I admit I lost it a bit with the Verizon rep, and felt bad about that since she’s not to blame and probably at the end of her own long day at work.

Think about it, though.

Verizon, for those of you who have your bill paid automatically from an account, like mine, gets a little free loan from you. And, if you don’t catch it, they can keep it. And, in this day of people syncing their contact lists with Facebook and a million other sources, they likely don’t put the numbers of their contacts in themselves and might not know if someone put a 1 in front of their number on their Facebook profile. They might receive the number for a contact from a multitude of other ways than putting it in themselves, and therefore not realize there is a 1. Heck, I didn’t realize this was a problem. Maybe you did. I didn’t. I know a lot of people don’t — Verizon admits that openly. I know I have 1′s in front of some numbers. I figured if it wasn’t needed, it’d be ignored. I didn’t ever think it might cost me 25 cents for the mistake.

You might think $2.75 isn’t much. Perhaps that’s the beauty of Verizon’s scam: it isn’t much. Just a little over. Enough that some people might not go through the hassle of dealing with it. Enough that some might not notice it tucked into their bill. Enough that some who might already have a bill that varies in amount wouldn’t even notice.

It is a scam, no question, because, as I learned today from that follow-up call from a Verizon representative, it is a known issue that Verizon “solves” by doing nothing unless a customer calls in and asks for their money back on the erroneous charges. You can bet that if Verizon was being shorted 25 cents, they’d have solved the problem in spades. At the very least, anyone who gets international text charges could be notified that this might be the reason so that they knew. I did many searches on Verizon and on the internet for an explanation for these charges the first time it happened, and never came across this issue.

And no, it’s not great customer service to willingly and happily refund money that was rightfully mine in the first place. That’s just being a thief that got caught.

Except for one woman.

She wasn’t patiently waiting at all.

She pushed up to the counter and loudly expressed her displeasure for having to wait for her oatmeal and tea. She griped and made a general ass of herself while the rest of us waited quietly. There were several baristas working, and they were busting their butts. No one else was complaining. There wasn’t confusion behind the counter, but just the typical time it takes as drinks are lined up on the counter in the order they are placed. With this many people, you will have to wait. Only someone who overrates her importance in this world and has never been a barista or worked in the food service industry would behave as this woman did.

“So are you going to get me my oatmeal? I’ve been waiting forever.”

The young girl behind the counter got the woman her oatmeal, even though her order wasn’t the next one up.

“My tea. I had a tea.”

The barista tried to explain that the cups were lined up in an order.

At this point, my drink came up (her’s probably would have if she wouldn’t have messed up the order and confused the baristas) so I went outside and sat at a table and waited for my friend, who arrived shortly after me. The woman came out with her oatmeal, and loudly expressed her displeasure at experiencing a wait to a man sitting at another table by himself.

“I’ve been waiting probably 25 minutes! Only in North Dakota,” she said. “I asked if I could have a cup of water and just brewed my own tea, but they said they can’t do it. Unbelievable.”

A man sitting at the next table chimed in with agreement, and a lame quasi-flirting thing began.

“I’m from Minneapolis,” the woman stated. “I work with a consulting company that provides startup capital for new business. I’m on vacation, and only driving through North Dakota, thank God.”

“I’m from Calgary,” the man said. “I work with an oil company, and yeah, I know what you mean.”

They both proceeded to agree on negative things about the state of North Dakota and make me wish that they would both go back to where they came from.

It wasn’t long before her tea came up but because she was outside and so taken with flirting with this man and bonding over the fact that they were metropolitan people as opposed to the inept yokels in North Dakota, she wasn’t aware of it. She was made aware of it, though, when one of the other customers — a complete stranger to her — went outside and politely told her that her tea was ready.

A short time later, after the loser oil guy left with what seemed to have been his real girlfriend, she went inside with all her big purses and expensive electronics, but as she approached the door to get in, realized she had no free hands. Another patron inside — a complete stranger to her — rushed to get the door for her.

“Here you go,” the patron said, holding open the door.

When it was time to go, the woman faced the unpleasant challenge of getting her expensive SUV out of an extremely tight parking lot. As she was backing up, another car pulled into the drive-through lane behind her. Instead of honking the horn at her as she backed in his direction, he began waving and directing her as she backed out of the parking space so that she would safely achieve her goal.

It’s amazing, really.

Some ignorant woman from a large city decided to view her slower service as being caused by the fact that she was in North Dakota instead of the obvious problem that it was extremely busy. She then decided to bad mouth the state as she was surrounded by people from North Dakota who, later, helped her three times. Apparently this made her feel superior and allowed her to bond with a likely two-timing douchebag oil guy.

Why would the fact that it happened in North Dakota have anything to do with it? As I’ve stated before on this blog, the slowest service I’ve ever gotten at a Starbucks has consistently been at the Chicago O’Hare airport (Gate b17, to be specific). I don’t assume that the state of Illinois has a malfunctioning time-space continuum problem. I can discern if it is a “too busy” issue or “the staff is inept” issue, but I certainly don’t hold an entire geographic region responsible if my Starbucks drink doesn’t materialize within three minutes of ordering. Only an ignoramus would make such a broad and poorly educated assumption.

Calgary, home of an aging Olympic complex and, apparently, not enough oil work to keep the douchebags there. Minneapolis, center of a state that couldn’t afford to staff and stock its state parks and roadside shitters and is about one insult away from North Dakota flipping the switch and turning its power off. Let’s see how long it would take for her to get her tea, then.

Yeah, I got her license plate. 007EPX 

I have no idea.

Whatever the case, each time she comes into the shop she orders a few items, comes up with an excuse that each be put into separate bags, and then, immediately after I bag the first one but prior to reaching for the second one, she panics. And blurts.

“I had two! They were to be in separate bags!”

I try to calmly reply in a way to indicate politely that yes, I both heard and understood the complicated instructions given me and that I was able to accurately complete the task at hand. And that, while only one was bagged and on the counter, the second item was forthcoming.

“Oh, yes, sorry, but I just wanted to be sure. Two items, separate bags.”

My frustration grows with each repeated round. Today, after she left, I, in frustration, described the scene to a co-worker.

“It’s as if they think we are stupid back here! The apron and the presence of a counter doesn’t degrade my intellectual ability to comprehend and act on that comprehension!” I said in the huff of an exhale. “Such panic that I might screw up her instructions. Good grief!”

“Perhaps we should use bigger words,” my co-worker said.

This got me to thinking, which I am still able to do despite the apron.

“Yes, ma’am, I will bifurcate your order, placing each in a distinct and separate cellulose-fiber bag. For your convenience, I will bend the space-time continuum and simultaneously, with all three hands, extract the selected items and entomb them as per your instructions in one motion, thereby putting your mind at ease that your instructions will be followed in one motion instead of a logical set of if-then statements directing the order of completion.“

This woman does this to me every time.

“OMG! OMG! There should be two and in different bags and while I know that it would be an affront to accepted laws of physics for you to actually grab the second and reach for the additional bag between the time you packaged the first item and this outburst, I can’t contain myself and must blurt as such!”

Every. Time. Does her watch have hands that do not move?