Sometimes I just like worksheets. They make me feel like I’m getting things done, whether I am or not. At the end of the day, I feel accomplishment.

“What did you do today?”

“Why, I finished these worksheets.”

Anyway, because I’m creatively blocked today, here on this blog, I’m re-purposing this worksheet, pulling it from my old blog and bringing onto this one. I’d fill it out myself but I know how it ends.

Download.

Get the worksheet. (PDF)

“They weren’t bad,” my friend said.

That means that they weren’t good, either. The bag of flour I use has a little emblem in the corner that says “125 years of baking success” and I can honestly say I haven’t contributed to much of it.

I decided to try again. We made scones at the shop all the time, except that wasn’t one of my usual tasks and I can’t seem to remember important details like…the recipe. I just never really made them. Brownies yes, scones, no.

How hard can it be, I thought. I knew the kind of ingredients. It was just a matter of finding the right amount.

I dumped two cups of flour in the mixing bowl. Next was the baking soda. Last time I’d used a tablespoon but that left a chemical-leaven-salt taste in my mouth, so I used only a teaspoon of soda and I skipped the salt. I decided to put in three tablespoons of sugar because I have a sweet tooth.

Next up was the butter, and I was unsure about this. My last attempt seemed to lack the moist and flaky dough I wanted. Perhaps that was the dough rebelling against the baking soda, but just to be sure, I went with a scientific “one stick outta do it.” The butter must be cold, mind you, and cut into small chunks. Cold butter means flaky dough. You want room temperature butter in things like cakes and cookies, but for a flaky crust or biscuit, you have to use cold butter.

Don't over-mix. You'll have a lot of dry ingredients in the bottom of the bowl.

I put the mixer on low and let it beat the butter and dry ingredients together so that it was a kind of powdery, pebbled mix. I took this opportunity to determine if my heavy cream was still OK to use, since it is about two weeks past the expiration date. Thinking back to the many times I saw my mother in the kitchen, sniffing a dairy product, wrinkling her nose and thinking for a few moments, and then dumping it in, I figured it wouldn’t matter. We bake with sour cream, after all, so I went with the idea that this batch of scones would be an adventure. In a bowl, I lightly beat two eggs and added a half cup of the questionable cream.

Since this was the liquids portion of the recipe, I wanted any flavorings to go in it. The next step involved as little mixing as possible, so it was a good idea to get all of the liquids mixed together themselves before adding them to the powdery mixture in the mixing bowl. I of course use vanilla, since we all know that heaven and happy dreams are made up of 93 percent vanilla. I also threw in some almond extract just because. I have no specific measurement. Just dump some in without getting carried away. If your family or guests are staggering around the room after eating your scones, you put in too much flavoring.

I added the liquids to the powders and mixed on low for about a count of five seconds or so, threw in my white and chocolate chips (you can use whatever you want, including fruit, cheese, bacon bits — I just had those to use up). Then I mixed it for another five seconds, give or take a few seconds. Basically, I mixed it until it was barely combined and there were still large amounts of seemingly rebellious powder at the bottom of the bowl. You don’t want to over-mix it; it makes for a tough scone if you do.

Cut your scones as big or small as you'd like. Do not cut your fingers.

The dough was very messy and crumbly in parts while sticky in others. I dumped it out onto my wooden cutting board and began gently hand-working it so that it would stick together.

If you’re like me, you’ll spill a significant amount on the floor and say words you shouldn’t. But again, don’t over work the dough. Just enough to keep its form is all you need to do. You’re not kneading bread. The dough is your friend, not your enemy.

I formed the dough into a rough circle, and cut it in triangle slices, like a pie. I also ate four chocolate chips that would not stay embedded in the dough. Each triangle slice went on a greased cookie sheet, and was sprinkled with a bit of sugar and then put in the oven at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes. That will vary — just watch so they don’t get over-done. The butter shouldn’t be glistening on the dough; if it is, give it a few more minutes. If your oven is like mine, they will go from raw to charcoal the moment you step away.

I made myself a requisite cup of tea to drink while I tried out this latest scone effort. The scones were pretty good, though not as good as they were at the shop. I will make them again to continue to use up all the old dairy products I find as I excavate my fridge. I did attempt to take a standard artsy-fartsy foodie photo of the scone, but was interrupted by a Christmas cookie that bombed my photograph. That gingerbread man is going to lose his legs if he does it again.

Download.

Get a copy of the recipe. (PDF)

With this in mind, I started a small paper.

I have it in the shop and customers can take it for free. I made ten copies on the cheap laser printer I bought with rebate checks and rewards points, and find myself to be an editor. It’s less a newspaper than it is a visual assault, tragically. And the initial “issue” is mainly reheated blog material because the point isn’t to get current blog readers collecting notepaper at my cheaply printed expense, but to get people who don’t read the blog either curious and checking the blog out, or making a mental not to be sure to never, ever read this blog.

I’m hoping there’s less of the latter, and more of the former.

One guy came in for a later lunch, took a copy, and I about followed him down the street to thank him. I hope he didn’t just use it to put his gum in, or something as equally disheartening. So yeah, I managed to give away one copy.

I don’t know. I just figured it was another way to get myself out there.

The graphic design and layout probably would have been more impressive if I hadn’t squeezed it in between to jobs last night after work, finishing somewhere around 1 a.m.

Find it here.

The announcer-mention ratio of Favre to Peterson or Harvin or Allen is something akin to 20:1, which may possibly end up being the score tomorrow. Were a person to take a drink at every mention of Favre, they would be toe-up by halftime and not have to watch the possibly painful ending of the game.

Either way, get your glasses ready for Favre.

It’s a win-win even if it’s a loss.

Get the full cartoon here.

For those of you who play piano or some other musical instrument, you will be thrilled to finally have access to my many terrible and barely-started-certainly-not-finished original music song sheets. I came across these sheets just last night as I was stumbling around on the piano, attempting to revive the skills my forgetful fingers rebelled against. You could go to MusicNotes.com (where I get some sheet music) for much better stuff. Mine is along the lines of “Father forgive her, for she really know not what she be doing.”

For those of you who are lacking a gift for someone and either won’t make it out to get them something useless at the local Kwik-E-Mart or are trapped by an alleged Christmas blizzard, you can get some downloads right here and use them as personal gift certificates. This is something I’ve done countless times in the past for friends and family when I wanted to give but didn’t have any money to purchase a gift.

Both “gifts” are available as a download at Scribd.com.

• A collection of unfinished music scores
• Personal Christmas Gift Certificates 2009