I'd be terrible in a herd.
written by Julie R. Neidlinger 1 comments link this postI'm not a people person, though I am not foolish enough to fail to see the importance of friends and regular contact with people. Loners are never truly loners until they start thinking about manifestos. I have a few years for that yet.
I am a member of two groups, a writing group and a reading group. I attend the writing group more than the reading, though this summer has been spotty for both. Here is my greatest confession regarding these two groups which, in theory and in my head (particularly when I joined), should be perfect for me, a place to talk about what I love doing and get to know others with similar interests: I can't take it when the group discussion doesn't stay on task.
People who love meeting and bonding with other people every chance they get have a very different personality than I and will not understand what I am about to say, but there are those, like me, who find this all very frustrating, this need to be with people but this inevitable irritation involved. I don't think either personality is better, though my type tends to suffer in silence and eventually just stop coming.
- I don't want to hear about personal lives.
- I don't want to hear about health problems.
- I don't want to hear about family members.
- I don't want to hear about gossip.
- I don't want to re-hash the old days.
I care about many people and am involved in many people's lives. I do care about the people in these groups though I don't want to seriously bond with all of them, just as they have no reason to want to pull me into their very personal lives. However, if I want to talk about things off-topic, I wish to do it after the meeting and not during. It's a matter of focus, a matter of my personality needing things to stay in their proper categories in order for me to function. Social meetings are for socializing. Writing and reading meetings are topical.
I would say that an ideal meeting would have an agenda. Each person would be allowed to share on topical matters. There would be healthy discussion. There would be no person who blurted and divulged extremely personal information that had nothing to do with the discussion at hand, embarrassing those who do not wish to know. There would be no room for excuse-making as to why required participation couldn't take place because too often the excuses drag everyone into sordid personal details that I, frankly, don't want to hear. Katherine Hepburn had good advice when she said we should never explain ourselves. If you didn't get the book read or the assignment done, just say that and don't list why.
I don't share my personal life at these meetings. I have just as many struggles and trials as the next person, but I don't drag it into a totally inappropriate sphere and use it as an excuse for not writing or reading. I assume that if you are in a writing group, you want to write and not have excuses for failing to do so. I assume that if you are in a reading group you'll want to read the varied books chosen by other members and not give excuses for failing to do so. Perhaps, in this modern world of human disconnect, every chance we get at socializing is one to take. I just wish it could occur before or after such topical meetings.
I would do poorly in a herd; I do not have a sociable personality. Unfortunately.
Labels: art life
Copyright (c) Julie R. Neidlinger 9/08/2006 12:48:00 AM
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1 Comments:
Wow,this post is so 100% me I'm surprised I didn't write it. I agree wholeheartedly (from one loner to another, LOL).
Jen
P.S.- LOVE the new look of your website!
By 
Jen, at
September 13, 2006 12:26 PM
