Top ways I annoy my friend, and how you can, too.

Annoyance is my gift. I have, over the years, perfected ways to annoy friends and family. I’m letting you in on a few of my latest techniques, which are all easily copied or adaptable to your situation.

Remind of inadequacies.

I have the Instant Like-A-Boss button quick-linked on my phone. Whenever my friend does something awesomely stupid, I say, “Hey, you did that (press button).” It’s one thing to screw up without any raucous note of it, but quite another to do it like a boss.

Confuse the situation.

Instead of sending an email that uses traditional English construction, I like to mix it up a bit. For example, instead of emailing “When are we going to the Y to exercise”, I create a word bank email in which my friend can select the correct meaning. It might look like this:

To
Y
Going
You
Exercise
When
You
The
Woof

Word banks are a great way to tell your friends something and leave the blame game a possibility when miscommunication most likely occurs.

Create unpleasant surprises.

Avatar wasn’t a great movie, and for my friend, it was especially so.

I happened upon a plastic blue Avatar man in the parking lot of a local supermarket. I knew this was a sign from God, and so I took to hiding it in various places at my friend’s house in order to teach the lesson of patience. Avatar Man has been hidden in coffee mugs, under the bathroom sink, TV equipment, end tables, and potted plants to name just a few. Like a boomerang, he is always returned to me, hidden in my apartment. I give him a few weeks of rest before sending him forth on another exploratory expedition to my friend’s house.

Revisit past failures.

I enjoy winning games. I think it is important to remember these victories. I often send pleasant little eGreeting cards for different occasions. Don’t let the major holidays get all the fun; help your friends remember the minor holidays, too.

Like when you beat them at Settlers of Catan.

 (The photo in this post is of my dad, who puts up with a lot.)