As I was sitting in my car, listening to the rain, I saw two girls leave the party supply store. They had graduation-themed things in their hands.

I don’t know how long I’d been sitting in the parking lot, or why I was there.

I have a friend who, a month ago, expressed concern about me via email and I said I would explain and still her email goes unanswered. I received a message from another friend today who wondered if she’d offended me and I felt guilty because I don’t know what I did or didn’t do that lent itself to that conclusion or how to have avoided doing or not doing what I don’t know I did.

I just want to avoid people. I have nothing to say. Faking fine isn’t coming as easily as usual.

I remember my high school graduation. I wore white shoes, my mom made my cake, and I had imagined great things for my future. These plans did not include sitting alone in a small apartment at age 36, still crying extensively over the death of a very beloved cat.

There’s not really much to say about it. You can’t go on and on about a cat; people will think you’re crazy and have lost perspective. They’ll make you out to be a joke. Things compound in life and at some point you just shut off.

Graduation isn’t so great.