My friend and I were having a little fun mocking the jewelry commercials that infest the television this time of year. Standard, it seems, are commercials in which the lovely and visually perfect wife is oohed and awed and moved to tears by some expensive diamond jewelry which her husband surprises her with.
In one commercial, for example, a clap of thunder frightens the Mrs. and she crumples into the arms of her husband who just happens to have some diamond necklace to present to her as a way of telling her not to fear?
“Look, honey. I bought this for you. We’ll lose our house next month because of it, but I got this for you,” I joked as the commercial was ending.
Most of our jokes delved into the realm of financial stupidity of that sort.
“It was either college for the kids or this tacky necklace. We’re all winners, as I see it!”
“The weight will fall off fast, honey, now that we won’t be buying groceries for a year! I love you!”
“I was gonna divorce your ass tomorrow, but now I won’t! Thanks for the earrings, darling!”
Eventually, though, I took it down a notch, and came up with an advertising campaign that probably wouldn’t be the best idea for a jewelry store, but was in all likelihood not too far from the truth.
“Buy one for your wife, and get the second one for your mistress half off,” I joked.
“No, it should be ‘buy one for your mistress, and get the second one for your wife half off’,” he said. “You spend the big money on the mistress. She’s the one you’re trying to impress.”
I don’t know.
I never got the expensive jewelry thing. I would feel terrified to wear something that was worth more than the vehicle I drive.
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Don’t be so hard on them. Look at all the people they keep employed: clerks in the stores, actors in the commercials, all the people that worked on the commercial, the people that built the stores, the DeBeers family, and last and least, the slave labor. I look at jewelry as kind of like the lottery: an idiot tax.