Cancer sells stuff.

October is a month in which I am reminded how cancer is both a terrible disease and a great way to move pink merchandise.

Everywhere I go, I see pink staplers or pink candy or pink signs that say “buy our pink crap for the cure!” (The word “crap” is not actually used.) One sign even said something about giving the gift of courage, which could be obtained, apparently, if I shelled out a few bucks for pink flowers.

That’s stupid in general, never mind the philosophical black hole of me giving someone else courage.

My grandma died of cancer. I know lots of people who have had it, or died from it. I certainly care. It has nothing to do with a lack of caring. I just hate the marketing machine it has become and the  raised eyebrow when I express disinterest in participating. Guilt is, apparently, the currency of fundraising, second only to buying stuff with a Shylock percentage system in place.

I think the web site BuyLessCrap.org, in response to the Red campaign, has a good, general idea: shopping is not a solution. You are using the cause — no matter how you dress it up and in what color — as a tool to sell more stuff. “Buy my flowers if you knew someone with cancer.”

Whaaa?

Why don’t I just buy a hot chocolate at Starbucks tomorrow out of concern for the manatee? Same thing.

Whenever you mix consumerism (or capitalism, if you’re Michael Moore) with a cause, it’s pennies and nickels and dimes for the cause and a crapload of free goodwill advertising for the business pushing it. I, as an artist, no longer donate art when requested, even if the cause is good.

I don’t.

I do not donate.

Gasp all you want.

If you want my art, find someone to buy it from me, and have them donate it. I’m my own good cause; I have rent.

It’s as if all the causes in the world hit up the struggling artists or unique micro/local businesses, and expect them to pony up the goods so the rich (or credit stupid) can go willy-nilly at a silent auction and feel good while the struggling artist gets some worthless word-of-mouth and a wee bitty surprise when the end-of-month bills arrive.

You know what word of mouth I got from all my years of donating to good causes?

That I was a good source to ask for donated art.

Not an increase in sales.

More requests for donations.

“I saw your art/cupcakes at such and such an event. They were fabulous! I would love to have you donate some to my similar event!”

Really? Because I would love to have you pay me before I show up at the door to your similar event.

Obviously, I’m writing this from a situation in my life right now. The details aren’t necessary beyond the basic idea that if you are hosting some kind of benefit and hosting it in your place of business and highlighting sales and merchandise and such, you are using the event and the cause as a marketing tool no matter how you dress it up, and you ought not be soliciting donations from artists or micro businesses who can’t bear the loss of product just so you can bring people in the door of your business.

I don’t think I should have to lose money to increase your sales all while allegedly helping to find a cure, particularly if you’re a store that had a salesperson who followed me around and treated me like a shoplifter because I was wearing Army cargo pants and blank tank top*. Frankly, it doesn’t make me want to give you a damn thing. I’d rather donate directly to the source instead of run it through your cash register and see five pennies squeeze out a week later, looking for cancer cells to conquer.

This is a toe-stepper post, one in which people get a little miffed. The lack of interest in participating in this way is sometimes misconstrued as not caring, which, as I stated earlier, is not the case. I think, if we all really really cared about our various causes, instead of tossing money around we might volunteer at a hospice or tell our kids to take up science and math instead of a liberal arts degree.

I don’t think buying a specially marked pink Sharpie marker in October will stop breast cancer. I really don’t.

* Winona Ryder shoplifted! Do you think it has anything to do with economic status?!