Tucking.

This is the living end.

Because journalists fear using the usual words and think that they must come up with new terms in order to keep their writing fresh, we have to suffer through word abuses such as the word “tucked.” For some reason, stories about celebrities visiting restaurants rarely contain the word “eat” or “eating.”

Celebrities, after all, do not eat food.* Particularly in Britain, where this is used extensively.

They tuck into it.

“…Kerry was pictured tucking into fried chicken…”

“…while Britney tucked into a second plate of fries…”

Would it be too much to say “Britney ate a second plate of fries” instead of envisioning her doing weird things with these alleged fries and her somehow tucking them into her pants Napoleon Dynamite tater-tot style? Does this Kerry person really feel prepared to tuck fried chicken somewhere and save it for later?

I say this, because to me, tuck refers to things done with shirts, children on the cusp of sleep in bed, moves in gymnastics, and what wimpy dogs do with their tails. Since when do I tuck into a plate of fries or fried chicken? How does one tuck into food? Do I somehow lay my head down into my mashed potatoes and hope for the best? Is a fork involved in all this tucking? My dinner napkin?

How I Would Describe My Recent Meal At Applebee’s
If I Told A Friend vs. If I Worked For A Mindless Celebrity Gossip Rag

1. My friend and I ate appetizers. We hogged down mozzarella cheese sticks, quesadillas, buffalo wings, and chicken strips. We ate them all up, pretty much, and waddled out of the restaurant.
2. My friend and I tucked into appetizers. (And I’m just going to stop there because that sounds stupid.)

The only other use I can think of for the word “tuck” is a little over-the-counter wipe that might be needed if these dumb celebrities don’t quit tucking into fries and chicken. And, uh, if I don’t lay off the appetizers.

*That was a throw-away. Enjoy.