In theory, tomorrow I will be flying with Mark to the Twin Cities in my dad’s airplane (fondly named Chip). At least, I think Chip is still an airplane; it’s hard to say. She hasn’t wanted to leave the ground for quite sometime, evidently fond of the maintenance staff and her hangar queen status.
Because I have foolishly allowed myself to get my hopes up for the possible fun to be had at his parent’s house and at Valley Fair (roller coasters!) on Saturday, I decided I did not want to risk another attempt at flying tomorrow for the grand weekend if Chip mistakenly thought we were only out for another stroll down taxiway Charlie.
So I write the inanimate (and that word has never been more accurately used in describing something as it is with Chip) object a few letters. You can choose which one you like.
Dear Chip,
You’d better not s**t on the taxiway again or I will take a sledgehammer to your prop.
Sincerely,
Julie
Or…
Dear Chip,
Your natural habitat is the sky. Your natural habit seems to be refusing to go there. Why? Please reconsider your bad attitude and get your ass off the ground or I will take a sledgehammer to your prop.
Sincerely,
Julie
Or…
Dear Chip,
We want to go flying on Friday. We plan to be there in the morning, departing by 10 a.m. We plan on making our destination, and coming on back the same method whence we left, on Sunday.
I don’t know what your plans are, but if they aren’t the same I’m going to take a sledgehammer to your prop.
Sincerely,
Julie
Or…
Dear Chip,
Fly or die. (Die is defined as me taking a sledgehammer to your prop.)
Sincerely,
Julie
Those are just a few of my sentiments.
The obvious question here is, if “Chip” is so much trouble on the ground, and yet you’re planning on taking him(?) airborne, are you insane?
Well…you don’t use the brakes once you’re airborne. The brakes were the last crisis.
So no, I don’t think I’m insane. Heh.
[...] Threaten to take a sledgehammer to the prop. [...]
They come in semi-handy when you’ve landed, or so I’ve heard.
Yes, but that’s such a small percentage of the total flight.
Though, granted, a fairly important one.
If I were Chip each letter would have had me convinced. I love it when sweet girls use off color language to make a point. Hilarious.
Aren’t props fairly expensive? How about this alternate threat “…or I’ll sell you for parts!” Other than that they all seem pretty good to me. I used to use similar persuasive tactics with my old 74 Chevy. He always delivered when I got to “You piece of crap, you are going to the junk yard!”
The fact that you are a pilot; that you can write this post; that you are uninhibited…it just makes me happy all over.
Please provide pictures of you taking a sledgehammer to the prop.
[...] have my name in my passport, and have it safely stashed in my flight bag. I’m ready for Chip’s arrival in Bismarck, whenever that may be. For this reason, I’m hoping that 2010 isn’t [...]
[...] …but Chip seems so earthbound. [...]