Good lord. In my inbox I received an update from Catster.com. Check out “Creating a First Aid Kit for Your Cat.”

Let me make my own list:

• Ace granules: This is a horse tranquilizer. Doing this wrong might mean the end of your cat, but generally cats don’t like a lot of manhandling particularly when injured, so you might want to slip kitty a few granules. Not sure of the legalities.
• SleepyTime: Sort of like above. I had a friend who used this on her nervous pet. Not sure of the legalities of this, either.
• A sister who is a vet tech whose telephone number you have on speed dial.
• A big towel you never want to use again: Wrap hissing kitty in the towel snugly without cutting off the air supply. You have nine attempts to get the snugness level right before whatever problem your cat has is permanently resolved. Get the cat to a vet. Make sure its head is covered, as well as its claws.
• Bandages: These are mainly for you. As you will note, the Catster list includes exam gloves and let me tell you, if you follow that advice, you’ll be needing plenty of bandages. Only a great fool dons latex exam gloves and thinks a cat will take an exam needing them. The “heavy gloves” item on the list is much more accurate.
• Kitty Carrier: A box with holes works. Make sure Fluffy can’t get out mid-drive to the vet because your car seats may never be the same again.
• Wooden bat: I don’t know. Maybe you have a really big cat.
• Peanut butter: The Catster list suggests a pill gun. For some cats and experiences, you may want a gun of sorts, but in regards to pills, just put them in food. Next to the Ace granules.

I love cats. They can get pretty mean and vicious when wounded. I’m no dummy.